Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Edrobot

Scott Stalvern (PL 10) WIP - Edrobot

Recommended Posts

This is pretty much my second attempt at making a character, so If I'm doing something wrong, please point it out to me.

[floatr]stalvern.png[/floatr]

Player Name: Edrobot

Character Name:The Golden Comet

Power Level: 10 (150 PP)

Trade-Offs: +2 Attack / -2 Damage, +2 Defense / -2 Toughness (or "None")

Unspent PP: 54

Progress To Bronze Status: 0/30

In Brief: (1-2 sentences which sum up the whole character)

Scott Stalvern is a Marine working for AGEIS on an anti-demon task force. To improve their reputation, he fights crime and investigates the paranormal using experimental power armor and magic weapons.

Alternate Identities:

Identity: Scott Stalvern

Birthplace: Chicago, IL

Occupation: Marine

Affiliations: U.S. Military, COMET

Family: John Stalvern (father, deceased), Jane Stalvern (mother), James Stalvern (grandfather)

Age: 23 (DoB: April, 1989)

Apparent Age: 23

Gender: Male

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Height: 6’1’’

Weight: 160 lbs. (184 lbs. with the GOLDENROD)

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Brown

Description:

Power Descriptions: (if applicable)

The GOLDENROD: Despite making the wearer look like a 60’s era Cyberman, the GOLDENROD is one of the most state-of-the-art pieces of equipment ever designed. Not only does it improve the user’s dexterity to the Nth digree and redirect incoming attacks, but it also has a built in optical scanner for advanced field work. It’s still a prototype, however, so there are some kinks to work out.

The TAG: Despite looking like an ordinary gun, the TAG is actually a magical weapon device built by a magical savant. Due to it’s magical properties, the device has proven almost impossible to reproduce, but it’s anti-super properties have served John well during his time in COMET. It works by conjuring up magical “bullets†made of an unknown self-adjusting meta-substance, which are then expelled at an incredible velocity via additional magic. The “bullets†tend to hang around for a bit even after hitting a target, which only serves to harm the target further.

The Silver Saber: This is just one of those dime-a-dozen magic swords carved with ethereal runes that drain the life force from the wielder’s enemies. Nothing special.

It was either made by a secret order of monks dedicated to protecting the box that contains the entire multiverse, or it was made by Dracula. We’re not quite sure which.

The Mage’s Hand: A mummified hand on the end of a long metal chain. Controlled by the wielder’s thoughts, the hand is surprisingly dexterous, and can even float in midair. It is also surprisingly strong for its size, being capable of lifting heavy loads without the slightest effort on the user’s part. When not in use the hand curls into a fist, though it can just as easily take on any pose that a human’s hand could.

The COMET Handheld Portal Device: Another prototype from the COMET labs, the “Portal Cube†(as the tech guys call it), is an orange box with a bunch of knobs and switches on it. When activated, it will open a 5x5 wormhole between any two points within 20 miles of each other within the same plane of existence. Anyone can pass through the portal, but it only last as long as Scott keeps it stabilized.

History:

Following in his father’s footsteps, Captain Scott Stalvern became a Marine in 2010, and showed such exceptional potential that he was drafted into AEGIS almost immediately. His first assignment was to fight “The New Year’s Invasion†of 2011, in which the Japanese netherworld deity Izinami emerged from a ley-line located near San Fransico as the result of a mad scientist foolishly trying to use its “geothermal energies†to carve his name into the moon. Upon arriving, Izinami and her army of demons proceeded to lay siege to the city for nearly a week, proving impervious to nearly all forms of damage. After weeks of fighting, Scott’s company managed to kill her with one of the many magic weapons they had picked up from the enemy forces. Frustrated at AEGIS’ inability to stop Izinami through conventional means, Stewart Bonham created COMET (Classified Operational Meta-entity Extraction Team) to research the unconventional, whether it be magic, psionic, or hyper-advanced space-alien technology. He then had Scott transferred to Freedom City, so that the Marine could lead COMET himself.

But in spite of these lofty goals, COMET’s success has been less than ideal. COMET is seen as something as a joke by the rest of AEGIS, and so far they have yet to create anything reproducible on a large scale. To make matters worse, ever since their last lab ra- I mean field agent went AWOL back in Feburary 2011, they’ve been having trouble getting funding from the higher-ups. As leader of COMET, Scott knew he had to improve their reputation somehow. So, requisitioning the prototype GOLDENROD and a number of mystic artifacts, he took to the streets as the crime-fighter Golden Comet, to prove COMET’s worth to Freedom City once and for all!

Personality & Motivation:

Scott is a simple man, but not a stupid one. He’s hard to trick, and he sticks to his morals even in the face of certain death. Scott is just happy to be serving his country.

Powers & Tactics:


Complications:

Arsenal: It’s possible to knock specific weapons out of Scott’s hands despite the fact that you can’t disarm his entire arsenal in one go.

Allegiance: To his superior officers is AGIES and COMET. An order is an order, and while not every general is a paragon of virtue Scott is still obliged to follow their commands, else he be dishonorably discharged from service.

Enemy: Demons, evil gods, and other paranormal things. While he hasn’t quite caught the eye of the big leaguers, Scott’s made a number of enemies in the short time he’s been active.

Enemy: The last guy. They say the last guy who wore the previous version of the GOLDENROD was driven insane by a “gem of pure madness†during a field mission. Scott might have to deal with this guy sooner or later...

Phobia: Ophidiophobia. After a near death experience during a trip to Australia as a kid, Scott has had an acute fear of snakes. Let’s hope he doesn’t run into the Serpent People anytime soon...

Reputation: Despite having top-level security clearance, COMET is seen as something of a joke by most of AGEIS.

Abilities: 2 + 4 + 4 + 0 + 4 + 2 = 16PP

Strength: 12 (+1) [2PP]

Dexterity: 18/14 (+4/+2) [4PP]

Constitution: 14/14 (+2/+2)

Intelligence: 10 (+0)

Wisdom: 14 (+2)

Charisma: 12 (+1)

Combat: 8 + 8 = 16 PP

Initiative: +4/+2

Attack: +4 [8PP] (+12 Ranged)

Grapple: +5

Defense: +4/+12, +2 Flat-Footed [6PP]

Knockback: -4/-1

Saving Throws: 0 + 0 + 6 = 6PP

Toughness: +8/+2 (+2 Con, +6/+0 Protection) [impervious 6, Reflective 1 (Ranged) [6]]

Fortitude: +8/+2 (+2 Con, +6/+0 Enhanced Fortitude)

Reflex: +10/+2 (+4/+2 Dex, +6/+0 Enhanced Reflex)

Will: +8 (+2 Wis, +6)

Skills: 79R = 19PP

Acrobatics: 6 (+10/+8, Skill Mastery)

Climb: 2 (+3)

Knowledge (Arcane Lore): 1 (+1)

Concentration: 8 (+10)

Diplomacy: 14 (+15)

Drive: 6 (+10/+8, Skill Mastery)

Escape Artist: 4 (+8/+6, Skill Mastery)

Gather Information: 4 (+5)

Notice: 8 (+10)

Search: 3 (+4)

Sense Motive: 13 (+15)

Stealth: 6 (+10/+8, Skill Mastery)

Survival: 2 (+5/+3)

Swim: 4 (+5)

Feats: 18PP

Accurate Attack

Acrobatic Bluff

All-Out Attack

Benefit (Security Clearance)

Attack Focus (Ranged) 8

Connected

Defensive Attack

Evasion

Improved Aim

Quick Draw

Skill Mastery (Acrobatics, Stealth, Escape Artist, Drive)

Uncanny Dodge (Visual)

Well-Informed

Powers: 50 + 28 = 78PP

Device 12 (60PP, Extras:, Flaws: Hard-To-Lose, Drawbacks: ) (GOLDENROD, Technology) [50 PP]

Enhanced Dexterity 3 [3 PP]

Enhanced Fortitude Save 6 [6 PP]

Enhanced Reflex Save 5 [5 PP]

Flight 4 (100 MPH) [8 PP]

Protection 6 (Extras: Impervious, Reflective 1 (Ranged Attacks) ) (Orchicalum Plating, Technology) [18 PP]

Shield 8 [8 PP]

Super Senses 10 ( Extras: Counters Concealment (darkness) 2, Counters Illusion 2, Danger Sense 1, Communicator Link 1, Acute (vision) 2, Analytical (vision) 2, Acute (Hearing) 2, Rapid (Vision) 1) [12 PP]

Device 8 (40PP, Extras:, Flaws: Hard To Lose, Feats:, Drawbacks: Power Loss 2 (immersion in water)) ) (Magic) [28 PP]

Weapons Array Feats: Alternate Power 1 [40 PP]

  • Base Power:Blast 8 ( Extras: Autofire, Secondary Effect Feats: Variable 2 (all Magic), Improved Range 4, Knockback 5 Drawbacks: Power Loss (Affect Insubstantial Only Works vs. Magic) ) (TAG Primary Fire, Variable (Magic)) [35 PP]

    Alternate Power: Move Object 10 ( Extras: Damaging, Duration Feats: Precise, Affects Insubstantial 2, Improved Range 2 Drawbacks: Power Loss (Affect Insubstantial Only Works vs. Magic), Power Loss ) (Mage’s Hand, Physical/Magic) [1 PP]

    Alternate Power: Nullify 12 ( Extras: Nullify Attack Powers, Autofire, Feats: Affects Insubstantial 2, Improved Range, Incurable Drawbacks: Power Loss (Affect Insubstantial Only Works vs. Magic)) (TAG Alt. Fire, Energy/Magic) [1 PP]

    Alternate Power: Strike 8 ( Extras: Autofire, Vampiric, Secondary Effect, Feats: Affects Insubstantial 2, Accurate 2, Drawbacks: Power Loss (Affect Insubstantial Only Works vs. Magic) ) (Silver Saber, Physical/Magic) [1 PP]

    Alternate Power: Teleport 6 ( Extras: Portal, Accurate Feats: Easy ) (COMET Handheld Portal Device, Technology/Energy) [1 PP]

Drawbacks: (-4) = -4PP

Normal Identity [-4PP]

DC Block:


ATTACK        RANGE     SAVE                        EFFECT

Mage’s Hand   200 ft.   DC18 Strength               Grapple

Silver Saber  Melee     DC18 Toughness              Damage (Physical/Magic)

TAG(Primary)  200 ft.   DC18 Toughness              Damage (Any/Magic)

TAG(Alt.)     200 ft.   DC22 Will                   Trait (Energy/Magic)

Unarmed       Touch     DC15 Toughness (Staged)     Damage (Physical)


NOTE: The easiest way to get your DC Block to line up is to write it out in a word processor in a Courier font, then just copy/paste it into your post.

Abilities (16) + Combat (16) + Saving Throws (6) + Skills (19) + Feats (18) + Powers (78) - Drawbacks (4) = 150/150 Power Points

Version 7! Nothing witty to say this time, folks.

Share this post


Link to post

We don't give out bonus Wealth if you have ranks in a Profession skill, and you can't take Concentration for Skill Mastery.

A Device itself should not have an alternate Power power feat. It technically can, yes -- it'd be a way to represent Tony Stark's multitudes of armor -- but it's dodgy.

Also, you will need to give examples for the Variable power you have. See Blueshift, Midnight, and my namesake character's sheet for examples. I will warn you, though, that if you're new to M&M (I have no idea if you are or not), VP can be deceptively difficult to use.

As for the fluff, three things jump out.

One, while AEGIS could have an anti-evil!magic task force (Agents of Freedom mentions a Samantha Stephens expy as being a consultant for mystical threats), they would not have 'magitek'/magic-powered tech: magic & tech are two very different descriptors, and it should be exceedingly rare for it to be combined. (I'd honestly prefer if they weren't, and you just had him use just tech or just magic. It could be magic dressed up to look like tech -- a 'blast wand' with a pistol grip, for example, and protective amulets on the same chain as his dog tags -- but things like "programming language for magic devices" makes my teeth hurt.)

Second, why go with "impractically silly-looking" armor? I.e., why make your character look silly? "Impractically bulky" would be better -- that'd show it's still in the production/beta testing stage, and could still use some perfecting/streamlining.

Three -- and this is the biggest point -- is that is not an AEGIS game, this is a superhero game. Your char, as-is, does not sound like he'd really fit in well here: this seems like a professional soldier/agent, while everyone else is (essentially) freelance vigilantes. Related to this is your mention of him being a commander of a squad, and idea I believe you've been told in Chat would not fly.

I'm not saying the idea is completely flawed: FC does certainly have mystical threats, and Marvel's had many characters who were agents of SHIELD or some similar group who worked (and worked well) as solo heroes, or as heroes on a team. (Black Widow, Captain America, Hawkeye, Mockingbird and Ms. Marvel all spring to mind.) Focus on making a char like them, not like Nick Fury or Clay Quartermain.

And please give him a codename and costume!

Also, please alphabetize things ASAP; it will help folks who look over it. :)

Share this post


Link to post

Working on an updated version of my character, taking into account the feedback I got not only from DA, but also from conversations in the chat room. Untill then, let me address a few things I haven't mentioned earlier.

ON SQUAD: Yeah, leading a squad was a part of my character concept that I ended up abandoning, but I forgot to remove references to it. Will fix in the next version.

ON MAGITEK: If you can make a magic sword, or a magic suit of armor, why couldn't you make a magic gun? There's no rule in MnM that states that the nature of magic interfears with technology (or vice versa), and if that was the case in this particular setting then every technology-based hero would have to have the drawback "Vulnerability: Magic" (or again, vice versa). Is it really that outrageous to think that there wouldn't be scientists out there trying to incorporate magical principals into high-tech devices? And it's not like they're mass producing these things; Aside from the obligatory "dangerous but powerful prototype that dove the last owner insane", there's probably only one GOLDENROD in existence. I do admit that the idea of a "magic programming language" is kind of silly, but I could just as easily give a purely scientific (it runs on string theory!) or purely magical (it runs on the collective unconsious!) explanation that would be equally silly. I'll get rid of that blurb if it's REALLY important to you, but I kinda want to explore the idea a little more.

Furthermore, COMET is not supposed to be a "Magitek" divison as much as an anti-demon branch... though now that I think of it, a branch for designing and testing magitek stuff could also work. It could also explain why there only seems to be one guy on the squad; it could be Scott's job to run field tests, and everyone else is a scientist or something. That leaves Scott open to being a traditional "fight-crime-as-I-see-it" hero, while still maintaining a connection to AGIES. I could even do both; the Magitek Weapons are built specifically to deal with divine, demonic, and extradimetional threats, on the idea that since we don't know what could be out there, we might as well try something they don't expect.

ON SILLY ARMOR: I probably should have been a bit more clear, but this was the image I had originally chose to represent my character. But given how badly you guys react to Anime things (even though it's from a video game, and not an anime), I've been on the fence on whether I should use it or not. Admit it, the armor IS kinda silly looking.

I'll try and play around with that hero creator thingy to see if I can come up with something better, but for now this is what I plan on using.

ON POWER DESCRIPTIONS: Still working on those. Very incomplete.

ON ANTIHEROES: I've said this many, many, many times; I am not trying to make The Punisher or Nick Fury. If anything, I am trying to make Paragon!Shepard, or if we're going to stick to comic book references, Captain America in Iron Man's suit made if it was made by Dr. Strange.

Share this post


Link to post

Working on an updated version of my character, taking into account the feedback I got not only from DA, but also from conversations in the chat room. Untill then, let me address a few things I haven't mentioned earlier.

ON SQUAD: Yeah, leading a squad was a part of my character concept that I ended up abandoning, but I forgot to remove references to it. Will fix in the next version.

Groovy.

ON MAGITEK: If you can make a magic sword, or a magic suit of armor, why couldn't you make a magic gun? There's no rule in MnM that states that the nature of magic interfears with technology (or vice versa), and if that was the case in this particular setting then every technology-based hero would have to have the drawback "Vulnerability: Magic" (or again, vice versa). Is it really that outrageous to think that there wouldn't be scientists out there trying to incorporate magical principals into high-tech devices? And it's not like they're mass producing these things; Aside from the obligatory "dangerous but powerful prototype that dove the last owner insane", there's probably only one GOLDENROD in existence. I do admit that the idea of a "magic programming language" is kind of silly, but I could just as easily give a purely scientific (it runs on string theory!) or purely magical (it runs on the collective unconsious!) explanation that would be equally silly. I'll get rid of that blurb if it's REALLY important to you, but I kinda want to explore the idea a little more.

Furthermore, COMET is not supposed to be a "Magitek" divison as much as an anti-demon branch... though now that I think of it, a branch for designing and testing magitek stuff could also work. It could also explain why there only seems to be one guy on the squad; it could be Scott's job to run field tests, and everyone else is a scientist or something. That leaves Scott open to being a traditional "fight-crime-as-I-see-it" hero, while still maintaining a connection to AGIES. I could even do both; the Magitek Weapons are built specifically to deal with divine, demonic, and extradimetional threats, on the idea that since we don't know what could be out there, we might as well try something they don't expect.

First, I said no.

Second, the M&M book doesn't talk about how assorted descriptors (particularly magic v. science) would interact, as that sort of thing would be different for each setting, and the core M&M book is not a setting book. Book of Magic (the book about magic, particularly magic in the Freedom City setting) does have a sidebar on Magic vs. Science. It does say they're not opposed per se, don't counter each other of affect each other unduly, but it does state that they are "distinct ways of understanding and influencing the universe in the World of Freedom," and that science is more common & easier to use while magic is dangerous and sanity-warping, and usable only by a few. Which, to me, says that they are inherently incompatible as far as combining them goes, akin to how this guy and this guy have distinct -- and inherently incompatible -- ways of understanding and influencing the world.

(And, yes, the same book does make mention of Technomancy, under the Mystical Styles section, but that's a generic M&M section of use for any magic0heavy M&M game, not a Freedom City-specific section; if technomancy was around in FC, surely they would have explicitly said so.)

Third, I said no. This not GURPS Technomancer.

ON SILLY ARMOR: I probably should have been a bit more clear, but this was the image I had originally chose to represent my character. But given how badly you guys react to Anime things (even though it's from a video game, and not an anime), I've been on the fence on whether I should use it or not. Admit it, the armor IS kinda silly looking.

I'll try and play around with that hero creator thingy to see if I can come up with something better, but for now this is what I plan on using.

Hunh, to me that looks very much like a 1960's Cyberman. Which... wouldn't be that out of place, I'd say. (It's less silly than I was expecting!)

ON POWER DESCRIPTIONS: Still working on those. Very incomplete.

Understood.

ON ANTIHEROES: I've said this many, many, many times; I am not trying to make The Punisher or Nick Fury. If anything, I am trying to make Paragon!Shepard, or if we're going to stick to comic book references, Captain America in Iron Man's suit made if it was made by Dr. Strange.

Cap with an IM suit, or Cap with Doc Strange's toys.

Share this post


Link to post

I won't belabor the point on magitek any further, but can I at least make the weapons magic even if the suit is purely technological?

Share this post


Link to post

New version up, BTW. It's not the final version yet, but the powers are all done, and now they all have proper descriptions.

Share this post


Link to post

Ed asked for some help from me yesterday. I'm just gonna drop my two cents in here as I've got an idea that might mop this issue up quick.

I think the idea here is that you don't have individual devices that blur the line. As long as each individual device is either magic OR technology, it could theoretically work.

For Instance:

Cap with an IM suit, or Cap with Doc Strange's toys.

Cap in the IM suit.

Suit: Pure Technology for protecting the wearer and bringing him up to the level of the powered heroes and villains he'll be facing off with.

:arrow: The idea here being that the suit is specifically a defensive/mobility unit. It provides no offensive capabilities

Weapons: A separate Device power holding an array. Each power in the array could represent either an advanced technological multifunctional gun. Other powers in the array would represent magical artifacts (like this or this) that he carries with him for the sole purpose of beating down the enemies of truth and justice. To clarify, each setting in the offensive weapons array is EITHER Magic OR Tech. Perhaps three of the settings is a Gun like Dredd has (or Colt's pistol). The other array settings are single purpose magical artifacts that require all of his attention to wield and thus cannot be used in combination with the gun making them plausible in the array. These would be magical staff to create a circle of protection. Or a magical cross that banishes demons or undead. Whatever you want.

:arrow: The idea being that the "Device" itself lists it's overall descriptors as Magic OR Tech. Anything that nullifies tech would take out the gun (perhaps half the array) but not the artifacts. This could be a complication for the character.

Hope this helps, rather than sparking new debates :)

Share this post


Link to post

To elaborate briefly on DokA's point: There's an active hero in the C-Bank called Victory, who maintains an active relationship with AEGIS. He stands right on the line between agent/soldier and superhero, and he walks that line well. Feel free to use him as a gauge for your own character.

A quick formatting note: If your character has two values for one or more traits, "powered" and "non-powered" values, please just list them adjacent to each other, powered value first, separated by a slash. So, for example, if you have a battlesuit character who has STR 10 naturally, and gets Enhanced Strength 20 from his device, then under "Abilities," write "Strength: 30/10 (+10/+0)." List the powered values first, because those are the values that people glancing at your sheet will be looking for more often than not.

Since you mentioned it, a final, general point:

The distinction between anime, manga, and Japanese video games is irrelevant to our purposes. It's the same culture expressing itself in different media. The Freedomverse is a setting based on the Western Superheroes genre. Not on anime or manga or videogames or Westerns or cyberpunk or medieval fantasy or urban fantasy or science fiction or space opera or dungeon punk.

However, since the Western Superheroes genre has always been something of a grab-bag kitchen sink, it often encorporates elements from those other genres, some more than others. We do not forbid characters derived from genres or cultures other than our own. There is, however, an important distinction between an anime or video game inspired superhero, and a character from an anime or a video game being dropped wholesale into a superhero setting. We are tired of the latter, and we wish to avoid it in the future.

There has also been a direct, repeated, and unfortunate correlation between American enthusiasts of Japanese popular media and the worst of our problem players. We acknowledge that this has left us with an unfair prejudice toward incoming players whose submissions reflect such interests. However, more than one member of the Staff shares those interests as well, to varying degrees. We don't hate anime. We don't hate video games. We don't hate Japanese people. We are merely wary (and weary). We see it as a red flag, not grounds for immediate rejection. If you can find and maintain the balance I just described, then we'll be happy to have you and your character as part of our recreational collaboration.

Share this post


Link to post

And yes, please, for the love of all the gods you do or do not believe in, when you're ready to submit to the C-Bank, make sure that the individual traits listed under the Skills, Feats, and Powers headings are in alphabetical order. The more we can do to make our sheets easier to read at a glance, the better. (Which is why the template is constantly evolving, but I digress.)

Share this post


Link to post

There has also been a direct, repeated, and unfortunate correlation between American enthusiasts of Japanese popular media and the worst of our problem players.

I am now tempted to make a villain that is a whiny Anime fangirl that thinks she's the long-lost younger sister of a fictional character.

But in all seriousness, V4 is up. Any better this time?

Share this post


Link to post

Abilities: 0 + 0 + 4 + 0 + 4 + 2 = 10PP

Strength: 12/10 (+1/+0)

Dexterity: 18/10 (+4/+0)

Constitution: 14/14 (+2/+2)

Intelligence: 10/10 (+0/+0)

Wisdom: 14/14 (+2/+2)

Charisma: 12/12 (+1/+1)

You don't need to list the enhanced values for ability scores... which aren't enhanced. As has been said before, seriously, Marines are not that weak and clumsy. Yes, it's average, but for Marines, it's not enough to even get considered.

Combat: 8 + 8 = 16 PP

Initiative: +0

Attack: +4 [8PP] (+12 Ranged)

Grapple: +0

Defense: +4/+12, +1 Flat-Footed [6PP]

Knockback: -0

Initiative should be +4/+0.

Attack is wrong, with Attack +4 and Attack Focus (ranged) 6, how do you get +12.

Grapple is wrong, it's +5/+4.

Defence is wrong, if you've got Defence +4 and Shield 9, that's +13 and breaks caps.

Saving Throws: 0 + 0 + 6 = 6PP

Toughness: +8/+2 (+2 Con)

Fortitude: +8/+2 (+2 Con)

Reflex: +10/+0 (+4 Dex)

Will: +8 (+2 Wis, +6)

Toughness is +8/+2 (+2 Con, +6 Protection) [impervious 6, Reflective 2 [6]]

Do similar formatting with the other saves. You've got Will right, but oddly not Fort or Ref.

Skills: 83R = 20PP

Acrobatics: 6 (+10/+6)

Climb: 6 (+7/+6)

Concentration: 8 (+10/+10)

Diplomacy: 14 (+15/+15)

Drive: 6 (+10/+6)

Escape Artist: 4 (+8/+4)

Gather Information: 5 (+6/+6)

Notice: 8 (+10/+10)

Search: 4 (+4/+4)

Sense Motive: 13 (+15/+15)

Slight of Hand: 1 (+5/+1)

Stealth: 6 (+10/+6)

Survival: 3 (+5/+3)

Not even bothering to count this. You've got the skill rank listed, so why bother writing Skill (+bonus/+rank)?

Notice 8 (+10)

Search 4 (+4)

Etc etc.

Feats: 20PP

Accurate Attack

Acrobatic Bluff

All-Out Attack

Benefit (Security Clearance)

Attack Focus (Ranged) 6

Connected

Defensive Attack

Evasion

Improved Aim

Improved Disarm 2

Quick Draw

Skill Mastery (Acrobatics, Stealth, Escape Artist, Drive)

Uncanny Dodge (Visual)

Well-Informed

Please list Skill Mastery with skills, example: Acrobatics x (+y, Skill Mastery)

Per our house rules, Improved Disarm is not a ranked feat, and does this:

Improved Disarm: When attempting to Disarm a foe, you gain a +4 bonus on the opposed Strength check, and they do not get the opportunity to disarm you.

Device 8 (75PP, Extras:, Flaws: Hard-To-Lose, Drawbacks: Power Loss 2 (immersion in water)) (GOLDENROD, Magic/Technology) [59 PP]

Enhanced Dexterity 8 [16 PP]

Enhanced Strength 2 [4 PP]

Enhanced Fortitude Save 6 [6 PP]

Enhanced Reflex Save 5 [5 PP]

Flight 4 [8 PP]

Protection 6 (Extras: Impervious, Reflect 2 ) (Orchicalum Plating, Magic/Technology) [24 PP]

Shield 9 [9 PP]

Super Senses 10 ( Extras: Counters Concealment (darkness) 2, Counters Illusion 2, Danger Sense 1, Communicator Link 1, Acute (vision) 2, Analytical (vision) 2 ) [10 PP]

Right, your Device 8 with a Power Loss 2 costs you 30pp, and gives you 40pp of traits.

Device 6 (40PP, Extras:, Flaws: Easy To Lose, Feats:, Drawbacks: Power Loss 2 (immersion in water)) (TAG, Magic/Technology) [23 PP]

Weapons Array Feats: Alternate Power 1 [28 PP]

  • Base Power:Blast 8 ( Extras: Autofire, Action (to Move Action), Secondary Effect Feats: Variable 2 (all Magic), Improved Range ) (TAG Primary Fire, Variable (Magic)) [35 PP]

    Alternate Power: Move Object 8 ( Extras: Duration, Action (to Move Action) Feats: Precise, Affects Insubstantial, Improved Range, Action (to Move Action) ) (Mage’s Hand, Physical/Magic)) [1 PP]

    Alternate Power: Nullify 12 ( Extras: Nullify Attack Powers, Autofire, Feats: Affects Insubstantial, Improved Range, Incurable) (TAG Alt. Fire, Energy/Magic)) [1 PP]

    Alternate Power: Strike 8 ( Extras: Autofire, Vampiric, Secondary Effect, Action (to Move Action) Feats: Affects Insubstantial, Accurate 2, ) (Silver Saber, Physical/Magic)) [1 PP]

    Alternate Power: Teleport 6 ( Extras: Portal, Accurate Feats: Easy, Affects Insubstantial ) (COMET Handheld Portal Device, Technology/Energy)) [1 PP]

Again, the Device costs you 16pp, and gives you 30pp of traits to play with.

Share this post


Link to post

In addition to what Ecal has said:

Visual is not a good choice for his Uncanny Dodge, particularly since he'll be fighting a lot of invisible demons and such. Consider auditory.

You need to get the template formatting right.

The agency is spelled AEGIS.

You are going to need to provide some considerable fluff for how AEGIS got an anti-demon program, since as described in _Agents of Freedom_ it's at best a sideline for them. (Note: this is not a passive-aggressive way of saying it's a bad idea! This is saying you have a good idea that needs more explanation)

Why is he alone? (Why are there not more soldiers equipped like he is?)

What makes him a _superhero_, as opposed to a man wearing a government prototype?

Again, these are not slams. These are things that knowing will make you a better writer before the character comes in.

Move Action is not a suitable Extra for Move Object or Damage; powers like that need to be kept to a standard action for fairness' sake.

Affects Insubstantial is a PF. (It's also not necessary for a Portal Teleport) Two things with Affects Insubstantial: If you _do_ get it, you want two ranks. Secondly, we're really trying to keep AI from being abused because of how powerful it is. It makes sense that a magic-based soldier would have those abilities, but why would his magic sword let him affect somebody with Insubstantial that isn't magic?

Consider this construction:

Affects Insubstantial 2 [2 pp] (on whatever power) with the 1-pt Power Loss Drawback (only vs. magic Insubstantial) for a total of 1 pp.

2 ranks of Reflective is useless.

I'd like to see his combat scores go up: he doesn't really reflect his fluff at all right now. i.e., there's no reason in the numbers he'd be chosen by the government.

Still thinking about this:

A major Complication the character is going to have is trust. Government-sponsored solo heroes are not really trusted in the WoF the way they are in other settings, given that the World of Freedom's Captain America expy betrayed the secrets of the Golden Age Liberty League to the government in the 1940s. (It's one of the setting's biggest divergences from other comic book universes)

This is going to be much much worse in a magic setting, as magic heroes are sneaky types who don't play well with others. The idea of letting a government spook into their ranks is going to be a challenge for you to sell. I'm not saying it can't be sold! But that's going to be something you'll have to deal with.

Share this post


Link to post

Another thing which got pointed out to me in Chat... not only does he have bystander, not military, physical stats, your Marine can't swim. That never clicked in my head until I was told, but... you'd think it'd be a basic requirement to be a Marine?

Share this post


Link to post

Another thing which got pointed out to me in Chat... not only does he have bystander, not military, physical stats, your Marine can't swim. That never clicked in my head until I was told, but... you'd think it'd be a basic requirement to be a Marine?
You are correct. Per Wikipedia:
Phase Two of recruit training is an introduction to field skills, and includes two weeks of marksmanship training, a field week, and "Team Week".

In the first week of the second phase, recruits are taught swimming and water survival. This is the first event where failure to pass will result in a recruit being dropped to a different company to restart training and attempt to qualify again. If a recruit fails twice, he or she will be evaluated to see if a third chance is warranted, or if the recruit will be deemed unable to qualify and administratively separated from service.

So at least basic swim skills are an early requirement in Marine training. Edrobot, if you feel that stretches your skill points too much, the US Army does not carry that same requirement in their basic training. And really, there's nothing wrong with being from the Army. :)

Share this post


Link to post

Well, there is the fact that both devices wont function underwater to consider...!

(Is that necessary on a marine?)

In any case, as AA said, as you cant really have the action extra on your blast/move object that would save some PP to chuck elsewhere.

Share this post


Link to post

Well, there is the fact that both devices wont function underwater to consider...!

(Is that necessary on a marine?)

In any case, as AA said, as you cant really have the action extra on your blast/move object that would save some PP to chuck elsewhere.

Marines typically don't actively fight underwater, but they are required to be able to do an amphibious landing, which may involve partial submersion. Don't take this as 100%, but I think guns would technically work underwater, but at a massively reduced effectiveness. Not because of "wet propellant" (that's what sealed cartridges are for), but because the water might present enough counter-pressure to impede normal functionality of bullet physics.

Share this post


Link to post

I don't think you necessarily have to put ranks in Swim. Everyone has at least an unskilled Swim bonus, their STR score.

The soldier and riot cop templates in the book only have physical Ability scores in the 12-13 range. Above average, but not overly so. As long as you've got at least 12-15 each in STR, DEX, and CON, I think you're good.

Share this post


Link to post

I don't think you necessarily have to put ranks in Swim. Everyone has at least an unskilled Swim bonus, their STR score.

Yes, but he has a Complication specifically stating he can't swim.

Share this post


Link to post

You all raise very good points. I mean, a Marine that can't swim? What was I thinking?!

I could still probably keep the "Power Loss: Submersion" bit for the suit, though, since it would make sense that a prototype power armor wouldn't be waterproof.

Share this post


Link to post

Well, plenty of military equipment doesn't work underwater.

This. If the suit isn't specifically intended for amphibious warfare, it's a perfectly acceptable drawback/flaw/complication/whatever. You can't fly a jet or drive a tank underwater.

It's the idea of a Marine who can't swim that raised eyebrows, not the suit itself.

Share this post


Link to post

Given that I can fly, though, I don't think I'm going to need "Climb" too much. I'm going to take a couple points out of it and put it in Swim.

Now all I need is a new complication to replace "Phobia: Drowning"...

EDIT: I eventually decided on "Phobia: Snakes", which is a bit more reasonable.

Share this post


Link to post

Okay, I fixed a ton of math and rules things, and I extended his backstory to explain the purpose, founding and status of COMET.

Speaking of which, his new code name is now "The Golden Comet".

How's it look now?

Share this post


Link to post

You'll want to remove "(1-2 sentences which sum up the whole character)" from the in brief section. Just formatting simplicity.

Just some things I've noticed about your power descriptions:

"The TAG: Despite looking like an ordinary gun"

What type of gun? Is it supposed to be the one featured in the character portrait? Because if so, I wouldn't call that ordinary. That gun looks decidedly more science fiction than anything I've seen popularized by today's military (though I'm really not an expert, and I don't know much about Future Weapons per that show on discovery). If it's that gun, then it's not ordinary. If it's ordinary, then what type of normal gun does it look like?

"The Silver Saber: This is just one of those ordinary, dime-a-dozen magic swords carved with ethereal runes that drain the life force from the wielder’s enemies. Nothing special. "

Look, if there's one thing I know, it's swords, so this'll be my biggest comment.

It might just be me, but I'm pretty sure that 'ordinary' and 'dime-a-dozen' are expressions that probably don't pair very well with 'magic sword'. Magic swords are not ordinary by definition; They're magic. What do the runes look like? Do they resemble any earthly language? Do they glow when the sword is used? How much does it weigh, how long is it? etc. etc. If this were my character, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving a description of his cool-ass magic sword of life drain to such a short description. What you've got is a start. It may be more helpful to show you an example of what I mean. I'm going to wiki to look up the actual silver saber that is this swords name sake and I'll see what I come up with.

Wow, surprisingly there's nothing on wiki about silver saber's in general. Oh well, next step. I looked up runed blades. I looked up stormbringer. you get the idea. The actual length of sabers has varied greatly over the years. So not trusting that account, I took the length of a longsword, and cut it down some. I also referenced the size of olympic fencing sabers of today to get a frame of reference. Remarkably, the two numbers were almost a dead match.

Okay, you've seen enough of my process. Here's my version:

The Silver Saber: This bright shining weapon is both a glorious work of art and a dangerous tool of war. The sword itself is magic, and has strange eldritch runes carved deep into the entire length of the sword. Upon further inspection, it becomes apparent that the runes may not be carved into the blade at all, as the often shift and change even as one tries to read them. Many names have appeared within the shifting runes, such as "Elric," "Moorcock," and "Baegnoth". However the names never remain visible for long, most vanish, or shift into other strange characters after just a few short moments. It has been speculated that these names may be descriptive of some of the swords previous wielders of great import, or perhaps individuals that had a great hand in the creation of the weapon itself. In any case, there are many mysteries held within this fabled blade. But one fact about it always holds true: The blade has the power to drain the very essence of life from the foes it has struck. Rumor has it that some of the names appearing within the shifting runes may in fact be the True Names of those struck down by the sword's wielder and drained entirely of their essence.

This description is perhaps a bit too dark for our setting here on the boards, so I would advise against using it. However, I think you get the idea.

A few more small notes:

The Mage’s Hand
"Mummified Hand" does invoke certain imagery, but I'd like to see more description. Not because what you have is lacking per se, but because now I'm interested and I want more! Is the hand frozen in a certain position? Does it smell? When used as a grappling hook, does the hand actually grasp ledges and things, or does it act like a mundane metal hook? Can the hand grab creatures, or just objects? etc. etc.

The COMET Handheld Portal Device
Very Aperture science! Thumbs up! Does the portal have to send you back to aegis headquarters before it transmits you to the second portal, or do you just go straight there? Does it stay open for long? How many people / objects can you transport? etc etc.

The history is good. But it's short. It shows a small, small window of time into the character's life. What was he like before he joined the marines? Where was he born? When? If his father was a Marine, did he teach his son anything? Why did he follow his father's footsteps? Is it tradition in their family? or did he just respect the individual man his father was? This is your character's history it's not What he did last year. Good start, I want more!

Personality - kinda lacking. throw some more in there. see all above recomendations. you should be getting good at this by now.

Your complications look pretty solid. Have you talked with the ref's about how that arsenal complication interacts with your weapons? As is they're stated as a hard to lose device. Does the complication make it so they CAN be disarmed, just not all at once? Might want to be a little more explicit/clear about that.

Share this post


Link to post
Sign in to follow this  

×