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Dr Archeville

Unbalanced: Geckoman's Oct 2010 Vignette

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10pm, Friday 15th October



Geckoman sauntered casually out of the alleyway, leaving a couple of hapless muggers tied up with a tracer beacon for Freedom's Finest to come collect them. "All in all, a good night's work," he said to the air, as he reached into his pocket for a Twinkie.


Taking a deep bite out of it, he suddenly found himself pinned to the wall by a dark-haired woman with pale skin and red eyes. Oh, and the fangs. "How about I take a bite out of you?" Her breath smelt like the grave, and of blood and gore. But Geckoman remained unabashed.


"My centre's only slightly creamy, I should warn you," he said, looking disappointedly at his dropped snack. "A little stale, I think." The woman effortlessly hefted him over her head and threw him out into the street. He rolled up into a crouch, backflipping over the vampire as she surged at him for another strike. "Dear Lord, woman, can't you find a 7-11?"


Parrying a lightning fast blow, he followed up with a swift gut punch. Vampire Lady didn't even flinch, shrugging off the blow as if it was nothing. "I hunger. Can't you smell the death in the air? It makes me HUNGRY." Her jaws lunged at Geckoman's throat, only deflected by a quick spinning kick. It threw the woman off-balance and onto her back.


"Well, I was hungry!" shouted Geckoman, sounding like he was genuinely angry. "My twinkie!" He rushed in again, the two combatants moving ridiculously fast, striking and parrying so fast the air hissed around them. And, in a flash, Geckoman was behind her, leaping through the window of a jeweler's.


He ducked and dived through the glass display cases of the dark shop, inspecting the rings and watches and bracelets as he did. "Oooh, how many carats? C'mon, lady, let me buy you a little something." With a feral snarl, she grabbed him by the neck just as he'd palmed an object from one of the smashed cases. Right, I hope I can identify precious metals on sight.


He held his hand out, palm up, a beautiful silver ring held in it. "Crazy vampire lady, will you marry me?" Her grip loosened in shock, and she just stared at the green-clad teenager. "It's your soulless red eyes, they just make me wanna spend the rest of my unlife with you."


To her credit, Vampire Lady rallied admirably, raising her other hand to punch Geckoman in the face. But he was faster, slipping the ring on. "Yes, Geckoman, I will marry me!" And, with a quick one-two, the silver ring gouged a huge dent across the vampire's face. He followed up swiftly, smashing her head through one of the few undamaged glass displays, before grabbing a chair and snapping its leg off.


"STELLLLLAAAAAAAAAAA!" he cried, thrusting the stake into the vampire's heart, leaving her hanging lifeless and unmoving with her head unceremoniously trapped inside a jeweler's cabinet. At which point he leaned up against the cabinet, knowing the silent alarm would soon have the police and the owner running. At which point he'd need to explain away the damage to the shop, and to a very expensive silver engagement ring.


"Ho-hum," murmured the Geckoman as he took up his guard duty, pulling out another Twinkie and biting into it. Then he paused and sniffed the air. For a second, if only for that amount of time, he thought he'd smelt death. And he got a bad feeling about the future.

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