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Obligatory Coffee Shop AU


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Bluebird Café

  • Eve Martel - French gymnast turned small business owner kept out of the Olympics by an injury. Frosty and authoritative, she never forgets a customer and knows their order before they do. Comes from money, making it on her own. Hella gay.
  • Kimber Storm - Bubbly and gregarious barista determined to strike up a conversation with everyone who comes through the door. Sugar and caffeine consumption off the charts; rarely sleeps. In charge of pastries. Probably more than a little bit gay.
  • Indira Singh - Unfailingly polite barista with numerous metal piercings. Has a habit of appearing behind customers undetected. Sees everything, knows what you did, doesn't judge. In charge of latte art. Doesn't subscribe to your gender binary.
  • Eric LaCroix - Cool and collected night shift barista. Sympathetic ear and zen master of comfort food, stuck hearing about everyone’s relationship woes. Frontman for a rockabilly band that plays live at Criminal Records once a week. Half gay, half decaf.



  • Tara Bulle - Melodramatic aspiring poet who practically lives in the café. Probably not her real name. Tries very hard to be well liked, has a dark sense of humour. Doesn't like to talk about her last bad breakup. Maybe gay?
  • Detective Erin White - Stern police officer with a carefully controlled hot temper. Frugal and hard working, she came up from nothing. Soft spot for cats. Only recently allowed to carry a nightstick again after 'the incident'. Not gay, stop asking.
  • Detective Mark Lucas - Unusually upbeat police officer with a carefree attitude. Absurdly good luck and a deep belief in justice make him the golden boy of the force. Determined to make his partner laugh. If gay means happy then absolutely!


House of Waffles

  • Erik Espadas - Outgoing owner of a 24 hour diner and father of four. Makes genuinely terrible coffee but amazing waffles, pancakes and other breakfast foods. Somehow finds time to also head up the local business owner’s association, too. You’d think, but no.
  • Ellie Espadas - Long-suffering, sarcastic waitress working at the family diner to help pay for medical school. Here to hear your order, not your life story but enjoys verbal sparring matches with the right sort of person. Totes magotes gay.
  • Steve Murdock - Soft spoken cook who prefers to stay in back. Bit of a sad sack but appreciates the little things other people take for granted. The reason the HoW has had one - and only one - attempted robbery. All we’re saying is nobody’s ever seen his girlfriend.
  • Chris Kenzie - Excitable delivery boy and short order cook. Has a bad habit of making up completely incomprehensible slang for daily specials. Gets into a lot of accidents of his bike but heals surprisingly quickly. Needs to stop trying to get people to call him ‘metrosexual’.



  • Seth Gibson - Outrageous hipster never seen without a smart phone in hand. The sole reason the House of Waffles has vegan options on the menu. A legitimate social media savant who makes sure community events are well attended. More pan than a wok.
  • Sakinah Mataraci - Tolerates hanging out with Seth for completely unknown reasons. Brash and outspoken, sometimes allows her better judgement to be overruled by her temper. Secretly binge watches drama series on Netflix. A whisker too gay to be straight.


Joe's Hardware

  • Joe Macayle - Affable punk rocker who inherited the hardware store from his grandfather. Acts as the community handyman, finds he has to talk a lot to make up for his employees. Doesn’t need to know why you’re buying all that rope, thanks.
  • Mara Hallomen - Definitely too smart to be working in a hardware store but she likes having all the free time to work on her own projects. Chronically grumpy, she’d forget to eat most days if the House of Waffles wasn’t right next door. For realsies gay.
  • Trevor Hunter - In charge of the automotive section of the store, he dresses in black and makes wearing sunglasses inside work. Nearly monosyllabic. Subsists mainly on coffee and engine grease, spends his breaks at the Bluebird Café. Gay for lady cops.
  • Jessie White - Works in the stock room, avoids interacting with customer's at all costs. Met Aquaria in therapy after the same event that led her sister to become a cop. Likes to paint but too self-conscious to display her work. Doesn't function well enough to gay.
  • Aquaria Innsmouth - Excitable worker in gardening supplies. Grew up in a remote commune, has odd ideas about basically everything. Sings regularly at Criminal Records, has Jessie paint her backdrops. Hella platonically codependent.


Rock of Ages Rare Books

  • Tarrant McLeod - Appropriately bookish and dusty, has a love of learning and teaching. Needs to be occasionally reminded that he’s not running a library. A grounded voice of reason on the local business owner’s association. Flattered, but not gay.
  • Gina Evans - In charge of acquisitions and keeping the stock room in order, which ends up being enough work for two people. Never, ever, ever deals with customer’s face to face, can track down any book you need from behind her computer. Not nearly well adjusted enough to gay.
  • Teagan Delphyne - Aggressive saleswoman with an intimidating smile. Rarely lets a customer leave without buying something, has no patience for lookie-loos. Recently took up hot yoga and lost a lot of weight. Gay for Susan B. Anthony dollars.
  • Sean Tulink - Stock boy and go-fer who read a few philosophy textbooks and thinks he’s more advanced than everyone he meets. Civic minded and helpful but only really listens to Gina. Finds your notions about sexuality archaic and quaint.



  • Dr. Dimitri Peshkov - Local veterinarian and a bit of an eccentric creep, albeit ultimately harmless. Likes books about WWII and ancient mythology, particularly Russian translations. Any warm body will do!
  • Siobhan Drake - Member of LaCroix’s band and occult aficionado. Gets into frequent arguments with Peshkov over rare books and whether keeping a pet raccoon is a good idea. Not all wiccans, guys.


Criminal Records


  • Richard Cline - Half of an eighties New Wave duo with Paige. Opened a record shop with the royalties from their one-hit wonder, insists it sounds better on vinyl. Introduces acts at Criminal Records' open mic nights with an endless stream of dad jokes and dated references. Gay for Duran Duran.
  • Paige Cline - The business sense behind Criminal Records, convinced Richard to diversify beyond cassettes. Organizes shelves and open mic nights. Attributes uncanny ability to know what people are thinking to 'mom senses'. Everybody was experimenting in the eighties, you know.



  • Natalya Peshkov - AKA Talya Browning: amateur jazz singer, professional knockout. Stays in her stage persona around new people and inquisitive police detectives. In a serious relationship with Erik and Min Espadas; geometrically gay.
  • Huang Faretti - Smugly handsome indie rock teen. Never buys anything but has a lot of opinions about what everyone will be listening to in the future. Embarrassed by his supportive parents and excellent home life. Leather-jacket-in-summer gay.


Fleur de Joie Florist and Wedding Planners

  • Stesha Madison - Florist, single mother and divorcee. Fully aware of the irony, thank you. Known and well liked by everyone in the community, the real power behind the local business owner’s association and every block party. Sometimes wishes she were gay.
  • Min Espadas - An old soul with a green thumb and a font of new-agey wisdom. Known to be nauseatingly publicly affectionate with Erik and Talya. Talks to trees to help develop their ‘cosmic energy’. In charge of large arrangements and landscaping. Cross polinates.
  • Carson Keefe - Smooth talking wedding singer and ordained officiant. Charming and easy-going if a little old fashioned. Seems to end up volunteering for every good cause that crosses his path, somehow keeps his obligations straight. Not gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
  • Eliza Oxum - Up and coming ice sculptor with a strong sense of social justice. Also does deliveries for smaller orders. Splits her free time between Rock of Ages and training at the local pool. Goes with the flow.


Sweet Dreams Bakery


  • Doctor Elis Sanford - Left a successful practice to start the bakery his late wife always talked about. At times melancholy but a good listener. Prescribes different cupcakes based on the day a customer is having. Doesn't need to defend his frilly apron.
  • Raina Sanderson - Assigned to Sweet Dreams through her high school co-op program. Enjoys firing up the oven more than is probably normal. Impressive collection of plush monkeys, unimpressed by everything else. One time on a dare.
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