[Vignette 2/2011] One of You (Miss Americana/Gina)

[Dr Archeville]

Date: February, 2002

Place: A middle school in Missouri

Gina clutched the strap of her knapsack with both hands as she walked down the corridor near the science classrooms. She didn't have a backpack like all the other middle-schoolers had, like she desperately wanted. Those gave you bad posture and wrinkled your clothes. Instead she had the stupid pink pleather knapsack that didn't hold enough books and just made her look even weirder. It wasn't like she needed any help with that! In elementary school it hadn't been so bad, but lately, her mom had been wanting her to "practice pretty" so she might start winning pageants again before she turned fourteen and the real pressure started.

Practicing pretty meant going to school in what would've been casualwear if she were in a pageant, with the designer jeans and blouses, the low heels (high heels were against the school dress code, much to Lissy's chagrin), thoroughly teased hair, and of course, makeup. Lots of makeup. She went to school looking like she was ready to compete, and it made her feel like a freak. Some of the girls were jealous because they weren't allowed to wear any of that stuff, and they were catty and mean because of it, but they weren't people Gina wanted to hang around with anyway. The people she might have wanted to hang out with wouldn't come anywhere near her. She guessed she couldn't blame them, but if they just got to know her, surely they'd realize that she was like them, despite the clothes.

It was with that thought in mind that she haunted the science corridor that day after school, listening outside the classroom door where the quiz bowl team was practicing. In a small southern town, football was king and everything else was expendable, but quiz bowl didn't take much money and it got the school occasional good press, so it hung in there year after year. This year's team was pretty decent, and almost all boys. Gina didn't do extracurricular activities, and she really wasn't supposed to linger after school on a day when her pageant coach was coming, but she didn't care. From her spot outside the door, she could just see the window reflection of Jacob Berrigan, the team captain, as he answered questions. More importantly, she could hear him answering. Jacob was in a couple of her classes, and even though he was only okay to look at, he had this great voice, a really nice voice. And he was really smart. She wanted so badly to have friends who were smart, friends she could talk to. In her mind, she could see how fun it would be to talk with Jacob, to sit with him and his friends at lunch. While she waited, she mouthed answers to the questions that were being tossed out, and was pleased when she got more answers right than wrong.

Finally, when Gina was worried she was just going to have to leave or risk getting into more trouble than waiting was worth, the teacher called a break. The students got up from their desks and stretched, then started making their way to the door for the bathrooms and vending machines down the hall. Since she was mostly hidden by the door itself, no one really paid her any attention. Jacob was one of the last ones out, and she almost lost her nerve and didn't say anything. But she had to. Forcing a smile onto her face was second nature at this point, so she had a broad grin on her face when she stepped out. "Hi Jacob, uh, hi!" she began inanely, realized she was using her too-perky performance voice to go along with her game face, and tried to relax both. "It sounds like practice is going well." She'd rehearsed that line only four or five times standing in the hall, and was relieved when it came out sounding normal.

In her mental rehearsals, Jacob had said hello back at this point, and when he missed his cue, it threw her off. Instead, he just stared at her like she was a space alien, and not necessarily a friendly one. She suddenly realized that maybe he didn't even recognize her, despite all the attention she'd paid him from afar. She closed her fingers more tightly around the strap of her knapsack, struggling with the impulse to turn and leave now. "I'm Gina," she said instead. "We're in homeroom together, and honors English?"

"Yes, I know," Jacob said flatly, still not smiling or giving any sign that he was happy to be having a conversation with her. Even the voice that usually sounded so nice was nothing but cool. "What do you want?"

Gina faltered. "I was... I was wondering if y'all wanted to, um, do something sometime. Like go to a movie, or come over to my house or something. My brothers have a Super Nintendo with lots of games and stuff." Lame, lame, lame! her mind told her disgustedly. Stupid idea, should've bailed while you had the chance. Her smile felt frozen on her face while he looked her over like a particularly unfriendly judge.

Their conversation in the hallway had not gone unnoticed, another factor Gina had failed to account for in her rehearsals. Some of Jacob's teammates were coming over now, giving her wary looks. "Did somebody put you up to this?" Jacob asked, looking around as though he expected to see people watching from hiding, waiting to laugh at him.

"Don't let her play you," Ronnie, one of the two girls on the team, murmured to Jacob, giving Gina an unfriendly look. "The football guys just looking for more reasons to make fun of us. Go out with their pet hooker, you'd just be doing what they want."

"Yeah, don't worry about that," Jacob murmured back, not knowing or not caring that his words were audible. He turned back to Gina. "Look, I don't know what you want, but I'm not going to play your game. Go back to your beauty pageant or whatever. We've got practice." He turned and went back into the classroom, followed by the others.

Gina watched them leave, her knuckles dead white as she held onto her knapsack, her face totally blank. Crying would smear her mascara, and the only worse thing than being a freak was being a sloppy raccoon-eyed freak. She couldn't even wash the stuff off, or she'd get yelled at when she got home. To heck with it. Ignoring the time, ignoring the trouble she was going to get into later, Gina ran down the empty hallway to the one safe place she had, the computer lab.