Unbalanced: Slick's Oct 2010 Vignette

[Dr Archeville]

Date: October 24th, 2010 (Sunday)

Father Figure

Felix Fassbinder was relaxing at his mansion just outside Freedom City. He had a small, trusted revenue of staff such as housekeepers, gardeners, and the like, but no live in staff. In general, whilst he often hosted some well renowned and occasionally wild parties, he preferred privacy.

Well, that wasn't strictly true. He just preferred sloping off and being somebody else.

But there were times it was good just to be Felix Fassbinder and root himself in his identity as reclusive owner of Fassbiner Pharmaceuticals. And today was one of those times. The air had a slight nip, but he had dressed warmly, and the sun was still bright. With a mug of coffee, he had taken a stroll around the gardens with a couple of good books and his diary.

At times like this, he couldn't help but think of Doctor Morello Fassbinder, his adoptive father, the Jewish scientist who had fought in world war II and rescued him from the horrors of nazi experimentation. Of course, at that point he hadn't really been a "him". He still flitted between genders at the blink of an eye, and never really grasped how other people seemed to stick to one identity.

Father. I miss you. Simple thoughts, but simple were all that were needed.

He sighed and looked up to the skies. As the sun set, long shadows played down from the trees and over the grass. Combined with the autumnal colours, the setting had a sad, beautiful and slightly eerie look.

I miss you too.

The message was not exactly heard, not exactly seen, or even felt. It was just there, at the edge of his perception, along with the certain knowledge that Fassbinder senior was the messanger. Somehow, Felix did not panic, although neither did he feel calm. It was as if he was walking with the spirit of the father, outside the concerns of the world. All he felt was a connection.

I feel empty. Lost. Without a meaning.

It was true, he realised, as he said the words. As he could be anybody, he ended up being nobody.

You are always my son. My daughter. I love you.

It was true. Somehow, in this calm state between worlds, all deception had evaporated and only honesty was left. It was a blessing beyond price.

And I keep that acknowledged Felix I keep it well

It was the thing that bound him, and the singular most important spiritual architecture he had. And it had gone. And it had, for however brief a moment, returned.

We are defined and forged by our connection, our love. As I saved you, bathed in blood as the time was, it forged something. You must forge something too.

It was true. Whilst he had drifted, when fighting for a cause as Slick, he felt alive. But perhaps it was all a bit distant, a bit angry, a bit... unconnected?

Thankyou was his only reply.

Something of the distant past resurfaced. The horrors of the laboratory and the experiments. It was, he realised, more than just physical. Psychic and spiritual arms to the research had existed, and he had been party to it. Subjected to it. Connected to it.

Reach out and feel the souls around you...

Somehow, in this cold but calm world he had entered, he knew he was leaving, or the spirit of his father was leaving. It didn't really matter. He felt the pangs of loss again, but also something inside him had grown. Something warm, and tender, and empathic. Something of his father. Something of love and goodness born despite all the horrors of his own birth.

Something to cherish. Something to live for. And something to fight for, if need be.

As the sun set, and the world became real and dark, he still felt the embers of the experience inside.