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Earth Victoriana: Music Hall Mystery!


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Damn she was so busy try to pick up the conversation, and enjoying the drinks she hadn’t really managed to pick up on any of the tunes. Of cause Ada would have known them all, even the risqué ones.

“Tell you what love.†she grabbed him and gently pulled him to her side “You start it off and I’ll join in.†she gave her best innocent look “If I know the words of cause.â€

Being sailors it was bound to be rude, they’d of cause try to embarrass her. And traditionally she’d blush and then come out with something even ruder. It was practically an East End tradition.

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GM

Soon Annice was singing along with her new best friends, the 31st Regiment of the Royal Navy, all who promised to attend tommorow's performance.

"The lasses from France wont kiss but just Dance,

The dames from Rome wont kiss they just Moan,

In Russia, no kisses from her

Nor Germaniaaaa- either....

But....

With England ladies we get kisses,

With England ladies no misses

With England ladies we're innnn luuuuuuck....

For we gets a right good...

"Right then Right then....!" interrupted Mr. Peabody, with good nature. "Lets not strain the Good Ms. Wheatley's voice too much shall we..." he said with a broad grin to the laughs of many sailors, who appreciated the comic timing and protectiveness of Mr. Peabody.

The night was drawing to a close, and Mr. Peabody started closing up.

"Room's ready for you Missy" he smiled. "You made some friends there, as you always do!"

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Giving a broad smile it was nice to have some good clean innocent fun, well almost innocent.

“Well you heard the man. As you can see I am in great need of my beauty sleep.â€

She gave each of her sailors a kiss and a hug, politely ignoring the occasional wandering hand.

“Night boys.â€

She gave a friendly wave a left in an exit which would have made her chorographer proud.

As she got herself ready for bed she thought back on a long and eventful day. It was the kind of thing that made her want to write all he thoughts in a diary.

Travelled to parallel universe which is all old and Victorian, which was v. good…

Well maybe it needed a little work, she wasn’t exactly Helen Fielding.

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GM

The next morning.

The chimes of the Steam Powered Big Ben could be distantly heard - not enough to awaken the residents of London, but enough to keep track of the time if one strained ones ears.

Rat - tat tat tat!

"Rise and Shi----ine!" sang Rattlepike as he knocked on the door of Annice.

"Come on come on, Ms. Wheatley" he said through the door, emphasising the name. "Time to freshen up and put on the war paint. Rehearsals today. We have a new number to do, and I have an inclination you might be unfamiliar with the piece..."

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Okay time for the general check head still on, just, the stuff she was drinking must have been worse than the normal stuff. And she hadn’t been allowed to drink during her time in the states.

Second edging out of bed she checked for any special marks or tattoos. And finally, though not necessary, a check if anyone else had spent the night with her.

“I’m coming Mr Rattlepike, would you mind asking Mr Peabody to fix me a light breakfast on your way out?â€

Confidence in all thing that was what she was taught.

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GM

"Why of course my dear!" replied the muffled voice of Rattlepike. "Ill see you at the Royal Median Music Hall!" he said, barely audibly, as he trotted off.

A few minutes later...

"Here we go Ms. Wheatley" said Mr. Peabody, laying in front of Annice a delicious plate of eggs, bacon, and mushrooms, alongside the biggest pot of tea she had ever seen.

"Miserable weather today" he commentated, as he prattled on about nothing in particular. And indeed, it was rather grim outside, a rather damp shower combined with an industrial smog.

"Anyway, Rattlepike told me to boot you over to the Hall pronto, he wants to get you ship shape, he said. Although those navy boy's told me you were very ship shape last night!" he added with a wink.

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Despite having a killer of all headaches she actually felt pretty good. For one she she hadn't had one of her strange nightmares she had been plagued with she her transformation.

Maybe it was the alcohol, she had to try a few more experiments.

“Ship shape and Bristol fashion so I'm told.†she gave a small smile “And I'm sure Mr Rattlepike can wait a little while longer.â€

She began to tuck in healthy into the large piles of food before her.

“And I'm sure we'll have time for second, especially for more of this excellent tea here.â€

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GM

Later, at the Royal Median Music Hall

"Ah there you are my dear..."

Mr. Rattlepike was finishing off his own cup of tea, directing a pair of comedy actors who were doing a rather good skit about a stereotypical German and Frenchman, in song and dance, with thick accents.

"Shoo...Shooo!" he waved at them. They exitted stage left, one tipping his beret at Annice, the other snapping his elasticated Lederhoden.

"Right then, madam. We need to conjure up something for tonight - short notice - tall order - and something to convince the punters. And then hopefully M's plan will come into fruition and then I have no idea what happens. So, what do you have in mind for a show?"

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She had flounced up to the stage with, she hoped, all the style and panache of a solid gold Diva. Looking disinterested in everyone until the stage was cleared. With that she visibly deflated adopting her normal friendlier tones.

“Wow how do they managed to be so Diva-ish all the time, no wonder they're so grumpy it just so tiring.â€

She resisted the urge to give Mr Rattlepike a kiss on each cheek, even air kisses instead she gave him a friendly smile.

“Oh before I forget I promised Mr Trowell free tickets. And if possible I'd like to give free entry of our brave lads of 31st Regiment of the Royal Navy. I will guarantee that the Ministry will foot the billâ€

Not giving him time to splutter his indignity she waded on.

“As for the songs I'm not sure. I suspect you would hate everything I know, even the song I learnt last night. So why don't you suggest some suitable numbers?â€

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GM

"Well let me see what I have" said Rattlepike, marching over to the grand piano and giving Iris, the piano player a shock as he reached over her and snatched a huge collection of slightly dusty musical score sheets.

"Lets see.." he continued flicking through the sheets.

"Absolute Rubbish!" he opinionated, as one sheet flew to the skies and fluttered down.

"Complete Crud!" he proclaimed, as another one joined it.

"Total Filth!" he announced at a third, holding it at arms length.

"I LOVE IT!" he added, thrusting it at Annice and walking to the stage.

The piece was entitled "I'm a poor hungry woman and I want a knob...of butter on my bread" with a clear indication of just where Annice should place a pause in the song.

The song was, as Rattlepike noted, purile humour of the worst sort, although it looked quite a catchy little number tune wise.

"The plebs will love it!" said Rattlepike. "It is completely without taste or art! just up their street!"

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Agnes had a sneaking suspicion, and a grudging respect, that Mr Rattlespike was pushing her as far as he could.

Maybe she should let him have a listen on her iPod, at least half a dozen tune would make his eyes pop with it filth an suggestions. This was third rate Two Ronnie’s at best.

Still this was a job and she was still a professional.

“Of cause Mr Rattlespike. When ever you're ready.â€

She leant forward and altered her voice doing her best interpretation of a Marilyn voice.

"I'm a poor hungry woman and I want a knob... “

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GM

Soon the whole ensemble was laughing, clapping, and singing along to the masterpiece "I'm a poor hungry woman and I want a knob...of butter on my bread"

Rattlepike clapped with clear approval.

"Absolutely appaling!" he said with a big grin. "I have never heard such base humour and witless entertainment in all my years!"

"The house will love it!" he added.

Pulling Annice to one side, he gave her a hearty pat on the back. "Right then, madam, I think you could just about pull this off. Now. Is there anything else you need before tonight's performance? The day draws on, and it shall not be long before the show..."

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“An iPod charger?†she looked a little guiltily at his blank face “Sorry I'm fine Mr Rattlepike. Though could you send for Madam Redpowder? I think I still need her expertise on a multitude of tasks and questions.â€

She sat herself on the edge of the stage and looked out at the vast auditorium. Soon it would be full of a crowd, one who she would have to entertain. One who she didn't quite understand. It was true that the past was a foreign country, and she had booked herself a long weekend there...

“if you would mind Mr Rattlepike I'd like a little time alone to rehearse.â€

She sat there a while gathering her thought's humming to herself I'm a poor hungry woman and I want a knob... , the tune was really quite catchy.

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GM

Madam Redpowder arrived, entering Annice's dressing room, armed with a battered leather case and a lined, iron face. Outside, the audience was already arriving, although the show had not yet begun. Rattlepike was prancing around berating and encouraging his staff in equal measure, but at least Annice had had time to practice her number, both alone and with the musicians and stooges that would dance around her.

"Good evening" said Madam Redpowder in a completely unreadable voice.

"I am...unaccustomed...to field work" she mentioned off handedly, in a manner which clearly implied she was both perfectly capable of such work and also disliked it at the same time.

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“I'm terribly sorry Madam Redpowder, but I this is important to me. This is what I do I'm an entertainer. It's not as important as spy work, but I want to make this work.â€

She sat back in the chair so the woman could do her amazing work.

“Oh and could you ask M to check on Mr Trowell ? He had some meeting with a Vatican official a couple of night ago. Just in case it's not on the level.â€

Heh look maybe she was a spy after all. Baby steps and all.

There was just one thing she just had to know.

“I'm sorry if this is rude and all but I'm just wondering what your first name was?â€

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GM

"Were you indeed..." answered Madam Redpowder, as she set to work on Annice.

"Wondering my name, were you..." she repeated, without emotion. Unless ice-cold frostiness fell under that umbrella.

"Then let me sate your curiousity" she concluded, finishing both the conversation and her work, packing her brushes and powders away in her leather case and stepping away to the door.

"My first name is Madam. My last name is Redpowder" she said with an Iron glare. It was not exactly unfriendly. But it left Annice in no doubt that Madam Redpowder's will was not a thing that would crumble lightly.

A few moments later Rattlepike knocked on her door.

"Ready?" he asked. "You are nearly on... crowd looks good. Some navy chaps chanting your name..."

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Agnes just could help herself she just burst out laughing, not just a giggle but a full on belly laugh. She had to stop herself so as to not ruin Madam Redpowders excellent work.

“Message received Madam Redpowder, I guess I'm still not use to such formality.†she glanced at the miracle in the mirror “And I must say you've done another of your miracles today.â€

She listened to Rattlepikes messages and had to take a few second to calm her nerves.

“Your welcome to stay and watch the show though I suspect you more of a Opera lover.â€

She sang a few lines from Madame Butterfly. Strange she had never heard the Opera before...

“Oh well, is it to prim to wish me luck?â€

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GM

A little later...

The Cabaret act, Hugh and Steven, Cambridge singers and comedians, where just wrapping up there act to considerable applause.

"...and then....she gave me two kippers!" came the punchline, to a hurricane of laughter and a standing ovation as the two men waved and pranced of the stage.

"Right! you are up next Ms. Weavley!" said Maurice, the short, bestectacled stage manager, who stood just over 5 foot tall, was bald, and yet had the kind of voice and shoulders that indicated he could bend steel girders if the show's continuation required it.

"Break a leg, madam!" said Steven the tall man of the duo scuttled past, patting Annice on her shoulder.

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Agnes took a deep breath, well this was it. She smiled to herself in recognition of the act on stage; she’d have to get there autograph later.

Agnes gathered her thoughts and Annice strolled onto the cell.

“Good Evening one and all and welcome to the show!†she milked the audiences reaction here she was still a star “First one last applause for that Quite Interesting bit of Fry & Laurie, the finest comedian of the House.†She gave herself a small smile; she didn’t expect anyone to get the joke anyhow.

Not missing a beat she walked to the front of the stage and swept her arms over the audience.

“I’d like to thank the gallant members of His Majesties finest the 31st Regiment of the Royal Navy. Who so kindly took care of me all last night. I always enjoy a night when I coveted by Seamen…†she hoped she’d put just the right emphasis for the joke.

“This one is for them and my other special friends.†She waved towards the box where she hoped Mr Trowell was watching.

"I'm a poor hungry woman and I want a knob... “

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GM

The crowd were soon in uproar at the song, with spontaneous yelling and applause rippling through the audience, the loudest of which was surely from the ragtag group of navy boys who whooped at every innuendo Annice sang.

As the song wound up, complete with amusing stageplay from the couple of male dancers that accompanied Annice, the audience stood up with a thunderous applause.

"Encore! Encore!" they yelled.

Suddenly, a thundercrack could be heard amidst the clapping. Someone had fired directly at Annice!

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Agnes felt the bullet graze her shoulder about the same time as she heard the crack of the gun. Biting down the urge to scream out she quickly considered her options.

Changing would take far too long allowing the assassin time to escape, it just wasn’t an option. The quickest way was to travel from box to box, but she didn’t have the skills…

Suddenly she just knew how to do that, strange she had normally needed to be changed before she had the knowledge, but she wasn’t going to kick a gift horse in the mouth.

She backed up and took a run and jump for the first box.

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GM

The gunshot had shocked the crowd who were even now trying to scrabble for the exit (it would be a dangerous stampede at any moment). However, "Ms. Wheatleys" athleticism took the crowd to another level of surprise. It even generated a few rounds of applause.

"Go get em, girl!" shouted one of the Navy boys, to a grunt of mutual approval by the sailors. "Nobody shoots at our Ms. Wheatley" roared another, shaking his fist.

The owners of the box were a old couple, perhaps in their late 50s, dressed to the hilt and with a butler to serve them. All three looked shocked. The man, sporting both an extravagant white moustache and what appeared to be a military costume resplendid with medals, pointed to the box above.

"I say! Its not me!" he proclaimed, indignantly.

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Annice gave the old man a friendly little smile.

“Thank you, a gentleman as always.â€

Swinging herself up onto the lip of the box she positions herself to get a good stable footing to try for the higher box. This was going to be a little bit trickier. Her dress might be pretty, but it wasn’t really built to go all Jason Borne. She’d kill right now for a pair of comfortable jeans.

Still she couldn’t forget she was a showman first. She gave a little bow and lent down and gave the gentleman a little kiss on his head.

Ignoring the whoops and calls from the crowd she jumped for the higher box.

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GM

"Good show madam! you give them what for!" roared the white haired man she left behind, shaking his fist and then saluting.

The box above was not an easy jump, but Annice made it, clambering up to the continued delight of the crowd - many of whom now thought this was part of the show and were cheering wildly.

The box above was, however, completely empty...but Annice was sure somebody had been in it...and the seat looked slightly crumpled.

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She could tell that the gun man had been here, the Victorians gunpowder was much more pungent than the more modern stuff. Well at least from her limited experience.

So he could have gone one of two ways, luckily she could travel much faster out of sight. But as always the show first.

She leaned out over the lip of the box and waved at the crowd.

“I’m afraid I must skip on the encore this time. I hope you understand my reasons. Good night!â€

Stepping into the plush corridor and glancing around to make sure she wasn’t being watched she concentrated briefly. With a large flash of light she became Young Britannia.

Trying to follow the trail she took flight down the corridor.

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