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CollateralKid

Last comic standing...

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...so yeah...Monday i'm off to audition for Last Comic Standing. I'm fairly confident I'll do a good job. Anyways here's a couple of my jokes I'm prolly gonna use...

- If you're homeless you have to keep an eye on your box, cause if you arent careful some dude can just walk up, flatten it out and breakdance untop of it. That'd be a double whammy because now you're more homelesser AND you just got served.

Homeless people are the only people that need to worry about somebody dancing on their homes. If some guy tried it at my place he'd fall on his ass cause i've been living in a tent.

- I'm starting my own line of Kosher hot dogs. I'm calling them Anne Franks. The only thing is theyre gonna be REALLY hard to find in the grocery store....you have to look behind the couch.

- If you're an orphan don't go to a mom and pop store. You'll just walk out dissapointed.

- I have a stepladder because my real ladder ran away when i was 6.

i dunno thats a couple of my one-liners..

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...so yeah...Monday i'm off to audition for Last Comic Standing. I'm fairly confident I'll do a good job. Anyways here's a couple of my jokes I'm prolly gonna use...

- If you're homeless you have to keep an eye on your box, cause if you arent careful some dude can just walk up, flatten it out and breakdance untop of it. That'd be a double whammy because now you're more homelesser AND you just got served.

Homeless people are the only people that need to worry about somebody dancing on their homes. If some guy tried it at my place he'd fall on his ass cause i've been living in a tent.

- I'm starting my own line of Kosher hot dogs. I'm calling them Anne Franks. The only thing is theyre gonna be REALLY hard to find in the grocery store....you have to look behind the couch.

- If you're an orphan don't go to a mom and pop store. You'll just walk out dissapointed.

- I have a stepladder because my real ladder ran away when i was 6.

i dunno thats a couple of my one-liners..

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...so yeah...Monday i'm off to audition for Last Comic Standing. I'm fairly confident I'll do a good job. Anyways here's a couple of my jokes I'm prolly gonna use...

- If you're homeless you have to keep an eye on your box, cause if you arent careful some dude can just walk up, flatten it out and breakdance untop of it. That'd be a double whammy because now you're more homelesser AND you just got served.

Homeless people are the only people that need to worry about somebody dancing on their homes. If some guy tried it at my place he'd fall on his ass cause i've been living in a tent.

- I'm starting my own line of Kosher hot dogs. I'm calling them Anne Franks. The only thing is theyre gonna be REALLY hard to find in the grocery store....you have to look behind the couch.

- If you're an orphan don't go to a mom and pop store. You'll just walk out dissapointed.

- I have a stepladder because my real ladder ran away when i was 6.

i dunno thats a couple of my one-liners..

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- I'm starting my own line of Kosher hot dogs. I'm calling them Anne Franks. The only thing is theyre gonna be REALLY hard to find in the grocery store....you have to look behind the couch.

I laughed and laughed when I read that . . . and then felt really guilty.

:rotfl:

:oops:

:|

:cry:

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- I'm starting my own line of Kosher hot dogs. I'm calling them Anne Franks. The only thing is theyre gonna be REALLY hard to find in the grocery store....you have to look behind the couch.

I laughed and laughed when I read that . . . and then felt really guilty.

:rotfl:

:oops:

:|

:cry:

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- I'm starting my own line of Kosher hot dogs. I'm calling them Anne Franks. The only thing is theyre gonna be REALLY hard to find in the grocery store....you have to look behind the couch.

I laughed and laughed when I read that . . . and then felt really guilty.

:rotfl:

:oops:

:|

:cry:

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Wow, my roommate and I just friggin laughedd our asses off at that first one. Hilarious stuff, man. I hope you do well. :rotfl:

Is there some way besides your jokes we can recognize you by if you get on TV?

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Wow, my roommate and I just friggin laughedd our asses off at that first one. Hilarious stuff, man. I hope you do well. :rotfl:

Is there some way besides your jokes we can recognize you by if you get on TV?

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Wow, my roommate and I just friggin laughedd our asses off at that first one. Hilarious stuff, man. I hope you do well. :rotfl:

Is there some way besides your jokes we can recognize you by if you get on TV?

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Umm lessee...i'm in the process of filming a new video because my old ones were on a site that no longer exists and i dont have DVD copies..

If they show me, my name is Billy Lyday, i'm a big dude I have a beard and tattoo sleeves...

I'll leave you with some more jokes..

- I hate werewolves. That's right I said it. I wanna send one to the moon just to screw with it.

- Here's a really good way to tell if jewelry is fake. Just look to see if the person wearing it is poor. I love telling that joke because poor people can't afford to come to my shows. They will never get mad at me for making fun of them....what're they gonna do? Hear about it form a friend?..NO..because who wants to be friends with a poor person? Not me.

- I just found out Harley Davidson makes motorcycles....for the longest time i just thought they made clothes for white trash. I like telling that joke too, but unlike normal poor people, bikers CAN afford to come to my show because they all have drug money. So I have to be careful telling that joke, because one day a huge biker's gonna follow me after the show and wanna beat the crap outta me. But I should be ok....I'll have a head start. I'll be able to hear him coming by the sound of his wife being beat up.

- I dunno who i hate more. Homeless people or babies. They're so much alike i can't pick one over the other....theyre always laying around doing nothing, trying to breastfeed off your wife nd surprising people in dumpsters.

theres a few more of my edgier ones (cept the werewolf one which is a favorite of mine)

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Umm lessee...i'm in the process of filming a new video because my old ones were on a site that no longer exists and i dont have DVD copies..

If they show me, my name is Billy Lyday, i'm a big dude I have a beard and tattoo sleeves...

I'll leave you with some more jokes..

- I hate werewolves. That's right I said it. I wanna send one to the moon just to screw with it.

- Here's a really good way to tell if jewelry is fake. Just look to see if the person wearing it is poor. I love telling that joke because poor people can't afford to come to my shows. They will never get mad at me for making fun of them....what're they gonna do? Hear about it form a friend?..NO..because who wants to be friends with a poor person? Not me.

- I just found out Harley Davidson makes motorcycles....for the longest time i just thought they made clothes for white trash. I like telling that joke too, but unlike normal poor people, bikers CAN afford to come to my show because they all have drug money. So I have to be careful telling that joke, because one day a huge biker's gonna follow me after the show and wanna beat the crap outta me. But I should be ok....I'll have a head start. I'll be able to hear him coming by the sound of his wife being beat up.

- I dunno who i hate more. Homeless people or babies. They're so much alike i can't pick one over the other....theyre always laying around doing nothing, trying to breastfeed off your wife nd surprising people in dumpsters.

theres a few more of my edgier ones (cept the werewolf one which is a favorite of mine)

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Umm lessee...i'm in the process of filming a new video because my old ones were on a site that no longer exists and i dont have DVD copies..

If they show me, my name is Billy Lyday, i'm a big dude I have a beard and tattoo sleeves...

I'll leave you with some more jokes..

- I hate werewolves. That's right I said it. I wanna send one to the moon just to screw with it.

- Here's a really good way to tell if jewelry is fake. Just look to see if the person wearing it is poor. I love telling that joke because poor people can't afford to come to my shows. They will never get mad at me for making fun of them....what're they gonna do? Hear about it form a friend?..NO..because who wants to be friends with a poor person? Not me.

- I just found out Harley Davidson makes motorcycles....for the longest time i just thought they made clothes for white trash. I like telling that joke too, but unlike normal poor people, bikers CAN afford to come to my show because they all have drug money. So I have to be careful telling that joke, because one day a huge biker's gonna follow me after the show and wanna beat the crap outta me. But I should be ok....I'll have a head start. I'll be able to hear him coming by the sound of his wife being beat up.

- I dunno who i hate more. Homeless people or babies. They're so much alike i can't pick one over the other....theyre always laying around doing nothing, trying to breastfeed off your wife nd surprising people in dumpsters.

theres a few more of my edgier ones (cept the werewolf one which is a favorite of mine)

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