Dead Men Do Tell Tales (IC)

[Dr Archeville]

Dead Head unholstered his shovel and twirled the handle around in his hand a few times, "let's get goin', then!"

He had no idea which way to go, and Avenger's shadowy form was of no help; the Revoltin' Revenant could barely see him, much less see which direction he was facing.

"Hope this goes better than that time we tangled with Samedi!"

[Avenger Assembled]

Both heroes momentarily took cover behind a large mausoleum to watch as the cultists arrived. In their black robes and jangling store-bought occult symbols, they looked almost comical if you didn't bother to examine them too closely. Beside Dead Head, Avenger suddenly said something remarkably foul. "Know her." He pointed to the woman in the middle of the group, a mad-eyed, thin-faced woman leaning on a massive staff. "Sister Sixtus. Was a cultist till she got her hands on one of the most powerful necromantic artifacts. Has killed before. May kill again."

[Dr Archeville]

"Hooo-ee! Y'ain't gotta tell me that's some major bad ju-ju," Dead Head grimaced, "I can almost feel it poundin' in mah head!"

The Revoltin' Revenant tightened his grip on his trusty shovel, and shifted anxiously from side to side; as much as he hated cultists for disturbing the dead, he had to admit he loved beating on them as much as most other superheroes loved beating on Nazis. "So, how ya wanna do this? Both rush in? Or have me go in as tha main distraction, you sneak aroun' an' do yer stealthy beatin' thing?"

[Avenger Assembled]

"Get their attention," Avenger suggested. "Fascinate Sixtus. She has traveled to terrible dimensions and seen terrible things. You will...uh, be a novelty." He peered into the gloom, his voice a low, choking growl as he whispered, "Will take her from behind. She cannot lose the staff while conscious, but if suitably distracted, perhaps she can be remembered so. Ready?"

[Dr Archeville]

Dead Head nodded, then shambled off towards the cultists.

"Hey! Hold up!" he called out to the cultists. "Any'a you fellers got tha time? I'm s'posed ta meet this gal here, 'round midnight. Man," he paused and looked around idly, "I hope she shows -- ya never can tell with those Undernet datin' sites."

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" he said suddenly, smacking his forehead. "Where are my manners? Name's Ernie. Pleasedtameetcha!" He went around enthusiastically shaking cultist's hands, detaching one of his own after the third shake, and moving on as if he had not noticed.

[Avenger Assembled]

When Dead Head reached Sister Sixtus, she looked him in the eye without flinching. Indeed, upon closer inspection, he realized she looked...hungry. "I knew you'd come to me, my angel of the night." Before he could react, she leaned forward on her staff, grabbed him by the back of the head with one hand, and pulled him in for a long hungry kiss! Her tongue was soft and wet and living as it invaded his mouth, her body smelling of death over expensive perfume. She held it for a long, horrible moment of living flesh on dead. "Come," she said, pulling back as she gestured to the crowd, "join us in worship."

[Dr Archeville]

Wow, so this is what it's like to really kiss some- whoa! She's kissin' me 'cuz I'm dead! Eww! Eww!!! This gal's sick! Sick and wrong! But... gotta soldier through, t'give 'Venger time ta set up his thing. Man, the things I do...

"Sure thing... Sexty," he replied in a tone more strained than usual. "Who we worshippin'? Romerog? Fulcil? Long as it ain't Snyderz; that one panders to th' lowest worshipers, no sense'a propriety...."

C'mon, 'Venger, it cain't take ya too long t'set up an ambush!

"Callin' up somethin'? Puttin' somethin' down? What's on tonight's agenda in worship'a yer Dark Lord?"

[Avenger Assembled]

"Tonight we shall summon forth the twice-fold Maggot Kings of the Lower Orders of Barganesh, the better to writhe sinuously beneath the grip of their delectable talons and moist ingots of ichor. And you, my handsome prince, shall join me in..." Sixtus began describing deeds that might have been beyond Dead Head even before he lost various parts of his anatomy. She seemed into it; very, very into it. The other cultists didn't look quite as delighted at the very idea that they'd summon forth spiritual embodiments of corruption and decay, much less get as intimately familiar with them as Sixtus seemed so eager to be. But they were obedient, certainly: it helped that she was carrying an incredibly powerful supernatural artifact that was frankly hard to look at if you knew anything out of magic: not that it was actually blinding, mind. Seeing Sister Sixtus carry the staff of the Necro-Kings was like seeing a child carry a nuclear bomb. A _mean_ child.

Suddenly, in an eruption of speed and power, Avenger was falling amongst the cultists! Before they could react, Avenger's flashing fists had torn apart the room, crunches and screams the only sound as he threw men aside and smashed them together, kicked down knees and cracked heads against stone. "Crime! Doesn't! Pay!" He growled as he tossed aside a particularly burly antagonist aside. "Worship my fist!"

[Dr Archeville]

Dead Had attempted to keep his face calm and flat as Sextus described all the horrible, terrible things she was planning to do to/with his animate corpse.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Thankfully, the fact he was an animate corpse, and lacked many autonomic reflexes and facial tics, made this a bit easier. But would his skills at deception hold out in a more active ploy?

"Oh no!," the Revoltin' Revenant squealed as Avenger (semi-)appeared and began waylaying cultists. "It's him... that Avenger feller! I hear he kills vampires an' other undead! He began clambering all over Sextus, hugging her tight and generally making a spectacle of himself. "Oh, help me, sweetie, save me! I bet he's gonna take my head and give it to that horrible Wander girl! Or... or to that undead-hunting pixie! The one with a pig's head, 'cuz she lost her own!"

[Avenger Assembled]

"You," said Sixtus, her eyes narrowing with fury as she glared at Avenger. "I REMEMBER YOU! You shall never take my love from me, do you hear!?! We shall be together in the Necro-Verse where we will-" She said a thing that made even Avenger blink, as she reached back and grabbed at Dead Head where ladies don't grab gentlemen! This left Avenger with a thorny problem: what to do with the nigh-invincible Sixtus without the big guns of the Scarab or Dark Star? He'd mostly distracted her before, come to think of it...."our children shall grow HERE, in my womb!" she said, pointing to her midsection, "and then they will-" Avenger, for the sake of his own sanity, tuned her out as she finished ranting.

"Saw you kill a boyfriend before. Going to melt him down for scrap?" Avenger shifted to the right and cocked his head, nodding towards the crypt just behind Dead Head and Sixtus as he distracted her with his taunts. "Or are you just a love 'em and leave 'em gal?" If Dead Head caught the signal, they'd knock her through the doorway together, distracting her enough that hopefully she'd have to blast her way out, maybe burying her under the rocks again. Hey, it worked before...

"Oooh!" She slammed her staff on the ground, leaving a black stain behind that sizzled with the fire of a billion screaming souls as they were devoured. "He was a living corpse! Rotting from disease and life! My lover here, _he_ is eternal! Go ahead, darling, show him! Strike him down!"