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Rapprochement (IC)


Cyroa

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James had been miserable, sulking really. It was nice to breathe clean air again and all; it had been years since he'd last breathed clean air (to him anyway, not that he needed to). But it still smelled like ash, just like food. Everywhere he looked all he saw was what could have been. How much damage he could have cause. What he had done. He wasn't the type of person who really felt guilt. It was a strange feeling to him. But currently that was dominating his emotions. He felt like crap and there was really nothing he could do about it.

He was back at the school, not because he cared about studying or not having anyplace else to go, but because...it was where his friends were. Are. Maybe were. He wasn't sure they were still friends despite them saving him. They could have done that as side-effect for saving the world; a kind of two-fer. He'd certainly done and said things to them that were far from friendly. He still missed them, even if he wasn't sure if he should approach them. So he'd spent the last few days kind of lurking in the outskirts, unsure of himself or even what to do. He wasn't even paying attention to where he was going, just walking randomly as the rest of the school slept.

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Unexpected noise and movement from the agility course caught his eye as he walked past the practice fields. It wasn't unusual to find students putting in solo time out here, but rarely so late, and so late in the year. It was cold out, and dark even in the city, which still seemed oddly subdued after the events that almost no one seemed to remember. As he got closer, the lights from the streetlamps beyond the walls let him see the blue and gold of a Claremont practice uniform, and some small voice inside told him it was Erin. Not that it would've been a bad random guess anyway, there weren't a lot of students who stayed up all night and were cussed enough to practice outdoors all night at the end of November, but it seemed like something more than that, something hard to pin down.

Erin was intensely focused on her late-night workout, the darkness just making her work a little harder as she flipped and leapt across the course. She'd been concentrating so much on learning how not to hit things that her form was getting sloppy in the area of not getting hit herself. The lack had cost her recently, and she wasn't going to let it happen again. Besides, she hadn't slept since the invasion, and she wasn't about to start until she dropped from exhaustion. Having any kind of energy left over would just be asking for dreams she really didn't want to see. By now she was well on her way there, sweating and even panting a little after several hours of hard training. It wasn't until she stopped to resecure her headband that she noticed anyone coming at all. Sloppy, she chided herself sternly, crouching on the bars and watching to see who approached. When she saw it was James, she relaxed, but not much.

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James paused, debating, as he heard the noise. Odds were good he knew exactly who was practicing at this late hour. And he'd been avoiding like everyone else, maybe even more so. Though avoiding Erin wasn't really hard considering her habits. A long moment full of frowns passed before he turned and entered the practice area with a resigned sigh. He couldn't avoid this forever. And even if she never forgave him, he owed her an apology. And lots more besides. But he still cared for her, even if she hated him. Time to man up and face his actions.

When he saw her he noted the wariness, not that he could blame her. A long moment past, a long miserable one, as he watched her silently. "Hi. I thought we should talk before the silence makes things worse. Somehow," he said quietly, though how it could get worse, he wasn't sure. "I wanted to see how you're doing. And to say I'm sorry. For everything."

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"Hey," she said in response, swinging around to sit crosslegged on top of the monkey bars. It gave her the advantage of height, and a little distance, with her face almost lost to the shadows. "I'm doing all right. It's weird, being back and seeing everything so much the same, like nothing ever happened. How are you doing?" The apology part was harder and more awkward to deal with, so she left that on the table for the moment.

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James stood still and shrugged his shoulders a little. "I'm alive. I'm not evil or attempting to destroy the world. So remarkably better than I have any right to be. The rest...it'll come I guess. I'll live." He shrugged once more. "How about you? This wasn't exactly easy on you and it was my fault. I wish I could take it all back."

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"It wasn't all your fault," Erin corrected, resting her hands on her knees. "I'm still mad at you for running off by yourself like that. I can't believe you wouldn't ask us for help before you went and did something so stupid. I was right there, the night before Halloween, and you lied to me. But that's not enough to hang everything that happened afterwards around your neck. Nobody blames you for being born who you are, or for what your dad tried to make you do."

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He sighed. "I had a plan. It...made sense at the time. I even picked a spot that if I fell, it'd be over." Of course it would have meant his permanent death but it was probably a better alternative than what actually happened. It had almost worked too. "I was just trying to keep you guys from being hurt," he said lamely. It wasn't helping that it was him that did all those things. A part of him anyway. A part he was far from proud of currently but a part nonetheless.

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"You think any of us came to Claremont and joined Young Freedom to avoid getting hurt?" Erin asked him, half a smile on her face. "That is stupid. The smile vanished again. "If you had asked us, we could've helped. We definitely would've tried. When we got to that cemetery and couldn't save you, I thought you were dead. You said you understand what it means to have friends now, do you understand what it's like to be just a little bit too late? Maybe none of the rest of it would've had to happen if you'd trusted us."

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He frowned, a little uncomfortable. "I never had people who really gave two shits about me before. I'm used to dealing with everything myself, one way or another. No one's depended on me or been there for me before you guys. And I figured you shouldn't have to deal with my problems. If I failed, I would have been dead and everything would have been fine for everyone else. No more problem. And if I won, no one would have ever known." He sighed again, practically wincing. "I know, I know. I was stupid. I get it. I do. And because of it, I nearly destroyed everything, not to mention hurting you and the others. Believe me, I regret everything."

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Erin unfolded her legs and dropped down from the bars, bringing them to the same level. She leaned on one of the upright supports as she studied him in the near-darkness. "Yeah, I know," she finally said. "I might have done the same thing, in your place, and you'd probably have yelled at me for it too. It's easier to look back from this side, when everything's over." She hesitated for a minute. "It seems like for a lot of people, even people who were there, some things about the invasion have gotten fuzzy at the edges. Do you still remember all of it?"

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He scuffed on foot in the ground. "Maybe you would have, maybe not. I deserve all the yelling there could every be and more. Talk about a colossal screwup. " He paused, frowning. "Some of the time down there is a little fuzzy, when the pain got bad. But no, for the most part, I remember it all pretty well. Not 100%, but almost certainly better than most people given the location and power behind it all. Probably better most people forget. In time, if they don't keep those memories, maybe they'll forget it all. How about you?"

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"Most of it's still pretty clear," she told him. "Some of the days between Halloween and the fight are blurry. We all worked ourselves into exhaustion though, so I think it's probably just from that. The fight itself, and before and after it, I can remember all that. Seems weird to remember all that and have everything be so normal now, but you get used to it, I guess." Erin paused for a second. "I was going to ask you. During the fight..." She trailed off uncharacteristically, then shook her head. "Never mind."

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James nodded slowly. "Well I suppose you've got more experience than most." He looked up at her and the odd tone. The trailing ending and the tone of her voice was not a good sign. "During the fight what? Even if this hadn't happened, you could ask me anything. Now I just owe you that much more. So go ahead and ask."

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"Did you really see my family when you were gone?" she asked, the words tumbling out in a rush. Erin had told herself it was just another taunt from a villain, and that James had had no reason to tell the truth, but the idea still wouldn't leave her alone. Her family didn't deserve hell, but they hadn't deserved anything that had happened to them, and no earthly or divine force had cared about that. And if they were there, in this universe's afterlife... were they really entirely out of reach?

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As if he didn't feel bad enough, the question was like a nitrous injection to an engine. Except the engine was his misery. He hung his head, shaking it slightly. "No. Their souls aren't in hell as far as I know. I don't know anything about them. But I'll find out for you. Someday. I promise. I'm so sorry for saying that. That can't make up for it, but I really, really am."

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Erin took a long breath, rolling her shoulders and looking away. "Okay, that's good to know. I mean, I figured that was the way it was, they teach us about taunting and baiting in fight training all the time. But it's hard not to wonder, just because I don't know where they really are, if they're anywhere." She shrugged and pulled the cloth band from her hair, twisting it around in her hands. "Anyway," she asked after a few quiet moments, "did you get in any trouble with the school? Did Summers and them even remember?"

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James bobbed his head a little. This guilt thing really sucked. “Still, I’m sorry.†He’d have to find out for her somehow. There was probably a spell or something; he’d look later. It was the least he could do, to help give her piece of mind.

He shook his head a little. “No. Outside of you guys, Phantom, and Ace Danger apparently, no one knows it was me. Not sure if that’s good or bad honestly. Most people won’t even remember the whole thing as more than a vague and unpleasant dream. Those who were at that protected zone will remember more to one extent or another.â€

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"That seems so weird," Erin replied, "I don't think it's something I could forget if I tried. Even the part where he did... whatever he did that turned me weak for a minute, I couldn't move, but I can still remember it." She passed a hand over her chest. "It felt so strange, and then when you helped me and everything came back, it felt like losing something. I can't even explain. But it's clear in my head, like it just happened, you know, day before yesterday or so."

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James shrugged. "I don't know why you remember it so clearly honestly when pretty much everyone else has fuzzy spots. Maybe there's more to you than you know." He blinked and paused, frowning a little in shame/embarrassment. "Oh, yeah. That was me. My powers, obviously given their nature, do not exactly lend themselves to helping others. But demons have been doing things for humans in exchange for their soul for a long time. I didn't want your soul obviously. But I couldn't just give you something. There had to be a cost for it to work. So, I took just a tiny little 'sliver' to make it work. A 'token' exchange if you like. Nothing you'd miss or anything permanent, don't worry."

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"Oh." Erin blinked, then was quiet for a minute, thinking about that. Part of her figured she should probably be upset, or at least worried about that. Having one's soul taken by demons was the sort of thing one did get warned about in church and pop culture, certainly. But it wasn't like she was really using hers at the moment, or had a lot of concrete plans for it for the future. She wasn't sure her fate wouldn't be the same whether she was whole-souled or not. And she was glad to be alive. "Does it grow back, then?" she asked curiously. "If it's not a permanent loss?"

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James nodded. "Yeah, it does. As long as you don't do something massively stupid like signing the whole thing away, it'll come back. You just live, be human and it'll come back. Be happy, enjoy life, create some positive memories and all that and it comes back faster." He nodded at her. "You're fine. If I had another way I would have used it," he said guiltily.

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There was another quiet moment as Erin thought about that, thought about what to say next. She had a few more questions about exactly what it meant that someone else had a little bit of her soul, but she didn't want to make him any more guilty. They hadn't gone to all the work of trying to keep him out of hell to make James miserable on earth.

Swining around the side of the uprights, she dug into the outside pocket of her knapsack and tossed him his car keys. "Here," she said with a little smile. "Speaking of happy memories, I still want a chance to drive that. We were too busy trying to figure out how to get you out of hell for me to have a chance to enjoy it."

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James caught the key ring and looked at it. Among the various lock and apartment keys, the car's key had a place of prominence. Sure, he could just buy another car whenever he wanted but he really liked this one. It had some fun memories associated with it. But it was just a thing. He'd learned the value of certain things lately. He tossed the keys back to her. "Why don't you hold on to them? And no that doesn't mean I'm giving you the car. But, I trust you. If you want to take it for a spin once in a while, have fun. Just let me know when you do so I don't think someone's stolen it, ok?"

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Erin plucked the keys from the air. "How about now?" she suggested. "Won't be much traffic at this hour, we could go out to the highway and see if I can pick up my first speeding ticket," she suggested. "More fun than just wandering around campus in the dark." It was as much of a peace offering as she could manage without things seeming even more weird and awkward. And it was more fun to drive with someone else.

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James looked at her and paused. "Well, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not sure that's a good idea. After all, you stink. And I'm not sure I want your sweaty butt driving the car," he said with a grin and a soft chuckle. It was far from the person he was, but it was a start. "But if you want to go rinse off and change, then yeah. I'd love to."

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