ic Badly Soiled

[Supercape]

GM

 

December 1st, Alabama

 

Something was rotten in the fields of Alabama. They may have been fallow over the winter, but weeds and mushrooms had been plaguing one farmer, Hank Hicks, who was scratching his bald head. 

 

"I don't understan' it!" he complained to his farmhands. "The field is infested, ah say, its infested!" he said, plucking up a particularly putrid and poisonous mushroom. To his ill. Blisters formed on his fingers even as he spoke, making him drop the fungus. 

 

"Its that them sci-en-tist, came round with his fertilizer last month. Said it was h'ex-pear-hemental. Said anything could grow on the field after that. Guess he was right, after a fashion. I'm still gonna kick his ass when I see him next..."

 

"Yeah...kick his ass!" laughed the farmhands, shaking pitchforks and hoes in unison. 

 

One week later, Alabama...

 

The Black Knight appeared, in the midday sun, in the fields and folds on Alabama, with armour and sword in hand. 

 

Something here poisons the earth! came the scream from his sword, although who screamed it and how...would be a mystery. 

 

The stones of Stonehenge had called him once again. They had felt some unruly force in the earth. All stones were connected, somehow, and here, in Alabama, there was a stone circle of native american origin, undiscovered, covered in moss and roots, but present still, for those that knew of it. 

 

The Black Knight was disturbed to note sickly mushrooms and rotting moss on the ground beneath him, a sickly toxin that reddened his flesh...

[Exaccus]

<Ugh mushrooms are gross...guess this is just a clean up Job then?>  hale wonders to himself as he strikes the earth with his sword and unleashes the tides of purple black energy contained within, careful to obliterate only the tainted vegetation and their icky spores, last thing he needed was some ancient spirit of the land being upset with him for killing something he should not have.

 

He gives the field a once over from his visor as he moves to the edge of his "Safe-Zone" and repeats the process.

 

<guess even knights gotta tend the fields huh?>

[Supercape]

GM

 

At that moment...

 

"Holy Hillbillies, what in darnation?"

 

Hank Hicks screeched his pick up to a stop, got out his shotgun, and stomped to the scene of the...well, not exactly, technically, a crime, but a disturbance. To his mind, a disturbance pretty much was a crime.

 

And fifth amendment, by God, this America!

 

He clicked the safety off the shotgun and half ran to Black Knights little display, stopping when he caught sight of the armoured hero. 

 

"What the heck is this? King Arthur? You in America now, sir! What in Gods name is going on here, huh?" he said, spitting out his gum and aiming his gun at the Black Knight. 

[Exaccus]

<Oh goody Americans.>

 

"Cleansing the field of these vile mushrooms."  he states matter of Factually, only slightly intimidates by the weapon directed at him but not letting it stop him from loosing his next blast of cleansing destruction; excluded the farmer but not his shotgun from the tidal wave of energy.

 

"You wish that I should stop? take it up with whatever spirit of the earth summoned me to this place to draw forth their poison from the land." he states rather disinterestedly "and learn how to tend your grounds better whilst you're at it."

[Supercape]

GM

 

"Mushrooms, eh?" sniffed Hank, kicking some of them with his cowboy boot. 

 

"Well, they grow here too do they? Worse than on my fields, I should say. Bit of a mystery, they are, 'cepting they are poisonous and Satan's backside. I was reckoning that this scientist was behind it, selling me his patented super-fertilizer. But then, I gets to seeing a Black Knight around these parts. And I be reckonin' a Black Knight ain't no good, right? Like, worshippin' the Devil and all? And then I gets to thinkin, maybe all this rot and blight, be sorcery, not science, huh?"

 

He waved his shotgun aimlessly at the Knight. 

 

"So whats to sayin' you ain't behind all this, son?" he asked, fiercely, although there was also fear in his eyes. 

[Exaccus]

"Look Good sir, I mean you and your field no harm, I'm just after the mushrooms." he repeats, patience wearing thin but voice as blunt as a hammer "I Was Summoned here specificly to do that, and whence im done i'll no doubt be returned from whence i came and...wait scientist?" he says turning to face the man.

 

"Hmm...that doesn't bode well..." he mumbles to himself before sheathing his sword before adding as an after thought "I am not affiliated with Satan; last i checked he worked through lawyers not knights." hoping a little bit of light humor might defuse the situation.

 

"Tell me more of this scientist so that i might pursue the villain behind this." he observes the blisters on the mans hands

 

<hmm...the mantle must be protecting me from the poison...>

Edited December 7, 2014 by Exaccus

[Supercape]

GM

 

"You are here for the mushrooms? Well, I shoulda guessed, I guess. Some damn hippy. Some damn English hippy. Come over here to abuse our God Given Freedom, thinks he can get himself high on some pure American Mushrooms, eh? Yah damn hippy!"

 

Its mah 5th Amendment...Its self - deee - fence...he is armed...Ah Got mah rights! swore Hank to himself. 

 

"Well, welcome to the Yoo - Ess - Ay, son! God bless America!" he shouted, red faced, and pulled the trigger, unleashing a cloud of buckshot...

[Exaccus]

Sighing defeatedly as the few bits of buckshot that do hit him glance from his Armour without nearly the force required to penetrate it "oh please sir can i have some more?" he asks mockingly as he lashes out with his sword, cleaving the shotgun in twain with the greatest of ease before taking a single step forward and leaning in close to the ignoble farmers face. "This is the part where you run away, Screeching like the gigantic turkey you are, Redneck." all trace of patience and bluntness gone from his voice.

 

another tap of his sword opening a portal to the pickup trucks cabin which he then pushes the stunned farmer through "Bye."

[Supercape]

GM

 

"What the heck! You got no respect, boy!" shouted Hank, furious, but...but above furious, scared to his core. He kicked the truck into gear, and squealed his tires, leaving, with all due haste, in a flurry of dust and a little earth. 

 

"Got ourselves a real damn devil-worshipper in Alabama! Always knew the day would come. These are the last days! I swear! I gotta get myself to Church, do some repentin'!" he said, wiping sweat of his brow, and blowing a kiss at a wobbling Jesus bobbing on a spring on the dashboard. 

 

"But first, I gotta get the Sherrif!" he said, reaching for his radio. 

 

A few frantic calls later...

 

Word of the Black Knight reached the Sherrif, and was passed up a tier or two of heirarchy, before being passed to AEGIS. And more specifically, Argonaut. 

 

AEGIS requests investigation in Alabama -- Witness reports Black Knight polluting farmlands and practicing sorcery -- analysis of files shared and top secret intelligence -- Might represent United Kingdom power Black Knight -- intentions and powers unknown -- procede with caution and investigate!

[Exaccus]

"hehehe...probably gonna regret that later...but it'll be a heck of a tale to tell." he says waving blithely after the truck before returning to his task of erradicating the tainted fungus and moss from the field, one 175ft radius explosion at a time, a lesser man might have quit, black knight certainly would've if his sword didn't keep screaming at him.

 

<Wonder if i can plead self defense...sword was sheathed when he shot me.> he muses to himself as he goes about his task in utter silence save for the occasional thrum, of expanding energy erupting from aldonites tip.

 

"Devil worship...ha! i'd have gone for a sweeter deal than cleaning mushrooms out of a overgrown turkey-mans field."

[Brown Dynamite]

Clad in her Argonaut armor, Yves was en route to Alabama.  She honestly didn't want to be in the hills of Alabama.  At least not in an armor that looked like death incarnate.  The AEGIS emblem had less pull in remote locations, especially when her credentials were only official outside of the armor.  AEGIS had arranged transport on a jet, and she was to drop down on her own.

 

She wasn't sure what to take the intel for, AEGIS didn't have a bad relationship with the UK.  But, a crazed loon in a black armor warranted investigating.  Especially when it came to sorcery.  It was easy to write the entire affair off as just a prank in the remote hills of Alabama.  But, the AEGIS field agent had a job to do.

 

With her Power Pike in hand she  stared out the vehicle. "How long until we arrive?"

[Supercape]

GM

 

"Not long, sir, I mean...ma'am...err..." said the Pilot, a young man of officious nature with a mirrored helmet on that concealed his emotions. 

 

"This is one of AEGIS finest" he explained, tapping the side of the high powered jet. "Faster than most military, even. RED. Rapid Emergency Deployment" he continued, reeling off lots of no doubt impressive statistics about fuel, speed, velocity, air resistance, and so on and so forth. 

 

And a few minutes later...

 

"In Alabama Airspace, Sir. Target is 10 kliks south west by south. Ready to deploy at your command!" he shouted at Argonaut, referring to the special airlock that could rapidly and safely deploy parachutists, or, as in this case, flying heroes. 

[Brown Dynamite]

Argonaut didn't respond during the whole reading of the plane's fancy statistics.  Positioning herself in front of the airlock once the notification was given and then she folded her arms together.  Keeping a tight grip on her power pike she inhaled.  As soon as the ten kilometers had been reached the pilot would hear her call out.  "Deploy."  

 

The airlock wooshed open and with it Argonaut was sent flying.  Barreling down towards the ground she set her arms to the side of her body and let gravity do its thing.  Just before crashing onto the ground  her jet boots fired off.  Sending dust, flames, and debris about she was propelled through the air.  Heading towards the site of the commotion.

[Supercape]

GM

 

And it did not take long before...

 

The armored Argonaut swooped through the air, cold and clear in Winter, the sun just dipping past its zenith, making her armour shine and sparkle, and the ground beneath her swoop past, clear and bright and still with flecks of green. 

 

It was not long before she saw the flashes of abnormal purple energy created by the Black Knight, who was performing his duties as a rather radical gardener, the moss, mushrooms, fungi and weeds, all toxic, withering and turning to dust in the wake of his power...

 

It could hardly be missed, and Argonaut did not miss it, flying towards it...

[Exaccus]

<~I been working on the mushroom fields all the live long day~>

 

A blissfully unaware black knight goes about his tedious task of blasting mushrooms and moss to smithereens, having resorted to banal mental activities to keep himself from becoming bored and going home; its not like the farmer even wanted his help after all.

 

Feeling a bit tired he decides to take a break, sitting on a clear patch of soil with his sword in hand and trying to cool off and catch his breath before continuing anymore with this thankless task that'd almost got him shot by that turkey guy.

 

<Wonder if Arna would like to go see a movie with me this weekend....>

[Brown Dynamite]

Argonaut fired a bolt of entropic energy from the tip of her power pike.  It was aimed at the ground near Black Knight and was in no way intended to hit him.  The sight of the armored knight wildly blasting purple energy all over the place hardly inspired trust.  Even without knowing the situation in full.  One thing was clear this Black Knight seemed like a menace.

 

"Now would be a good time to explain yourself.  Or you can do it behind a cell in the local AEGIS offices.  I really have no preference."  Argonaut called out.  It was a less than cordial tone from the freed Omegadrone.  But, questionable sorcery and some sort of biological pollutants needed a steady hand.  

 

As far as Yves could surmise he was a villain with the weirdest of ambitions.  Or else why did word get sent up the food chain so quickly?

[Exaccus]

Tired, hot and to be honest utterly fed up of mushrooms and trigger hungry american know-nothings black knight does not respond well to being shot at again "Well you're hardly one to be pointing fingers miss; tell me, does omega wear boxers or briefs?" he says sourly as he rises to his feet, sword gripped firmly in his hands as he casualy strides over to a mushroom and grimacing plucks it from the ground.

 

"Im here to get rid of these things on behalf of a spirit of these lands that was here before the natives that shotgun happy hick's equaly idiotic ancestors stole it from." as he casualy tosses it over "have a look,touch,taste even, es no bueno." he says sarcasticly with a wiggle of his finger.

[Brown Dynamite]

Argonaut dismissed the Omega comment.  Her warning shot wasn't exactly a warm greeting either.  Not that his unpleasant attitude was congruent with expecting much in the way of pleasantries.  Which worked just fine for her.  It meant the conversation could be kept all the shorter.

 

"Why would a spirit of these lands call you?"  Argonaut asked after catching the odd looking mushroom.  Keeping a mental note of the armored hooligan's posture.  Judging by his obviously not Alabaman attitude and AEGIS listing him as  known UK entity.  She found it hard to believe a spirit couldn't get someone closer on their spirit hotline.

 

But, she also wasn't exactly a go to source on spirit matters.

[Supercape]

GM

 

The Earth was now cleared, thanks to the Valiant Black Knight, cutting and thrusting, sweeping and parrying against the mushrooms and weeds. If a bard had been present, surely great songs would be told of the mighty duel between mighty warrior and inanimate fungus. 

 

Yet still, the earth was clearly poisoned and fetid. The soil was rank and toxic. 

 

Nee Naar Nee Naar Nee Naar Nee Narr Worp Worp!

 

The police car pulled up beside them, trailing dust and screeching tyres. The siren flashed and stopped, and out came a splendidly rotund sherrif, whose brain looks as fat as his body. 

 

He pulled up his belt over his impressive midriff, took off his hat, and wiped his bald, sunburnt face. A revolver hung on his belt put he had not drawn it yet. 

 

"No whats going on here folks? This here a fancy dress party? Ah say, this here a fancy dress party? This is Alabama, y'all, not Freedom City!" he said, irritated and proud at the same time. He paused for breath and wiped his sweat again. 

 

"Ah got Hank Hicks, and he is a respectahble man, Mr. Hicks, well Ah say, I got Hank HIcks telling me some kinda super scientist sold him some bad fertilizer. And now ah got, Ah say, I got all sorts of Federal intahference, Ah say Intahference!" he protested. 

 

Clearly the Sherrif was not fond of federal ah say federal interference. 

[Brown Dynamite]

There was a funny thing with Jurisdiction.  AEGIS didn't try to supplant local law enforcement.  It was a competitive environment nevertheless.  As such, the poorly spoken sheriff was not a first for Agent Yves Zermeño.  Argonaut on the other hand wasn't used to it.  Nor did she have the patience for it.

 

Still she had to bite her tongue as best as she could.  "Sir.  You seem to have the run of the matter.  The boy in the armor crossed here from England somehow because he was told about this fertilizer.  Volunteering his services in cleaning up the honorable Mr. Hicks polluted vegetables.  If you could tell us who sold Hicks the fertilizer we could be on our way all the quicker."

 

"Fertilizer regulations are a federal matter after all.  But you seem like such an upstanding lawman.  So upstanding I'm sure you can take point on this investigation.  We just want to get Mr. Hicks a return on his investment"  She wasn't sure if the part about it being a federal matter was true.  Argonaut just assumed it to be so with stores asking for ID when purchasing fertilizer in the first place.  Something about bombs or the like.  

[Supercape]

GM

 

"Well now, I dont rightly, ah say, I dont rightly know where that hooty-tootin white coated Sy-En-Tist is" he answered, clearly putting the concept 'Scientist' in the same mental bin as 'Federal'. One could only imagine that the Sherrif had a very large bin in his head. 

 

"I know he sold some of his new fertilizer to local folks. Well, more like gave it away, actually. Seems he was doing sum  Huxperimentin'" he said, tossing a new word in his bin. 

 

"He had some place up in the woods, some bot-'han-ical lab-'hor-atoree...." he said, chewing his words and spitting them out in a nasty little green globule from the back of his throat. 

 

The soil it landed on fizzed slightly, and some lime green, almost luminescent mushrooms started to spout"

 

"'Ahl give y'alls a ride, if you want, ah say, if you want. Just about 5 minutes from here..."

[Exaccus]

Having calmed down a little bit after his tantrum he now found himself in the grips of shame and horror as a man, bellowing like foghorn leghorn showed up, his grip had tightend in perceptibly on his weapon in preparation of being shot at yet again.

 

He was relieved when it didn't come to pass, though slightly suspicious of the man spitting out green gunk that grew into green mushrooms he holds his tongue, haste makes waste and the last thing he needed was to tangle with the law anymore than he probably already had.

 

"Excuse me sir; May i speak to you for a moment, Miss." rather more measured in tone.

[Brown Dynamite]

"I will take the ride."  Argonaut responded.  Keeping her response short and succinct.  She could likely get there in the same amount of time flying.  Maybe less having to avoid roads and all.  But, she had neither the time nor inclination to poke the local bear.  If all went well, she'd be back home in a few hours.

 

Argonaut continued to eye the Black Knight carefully.  She had been taking him at his word.  But, hadn't exactly gotten an answer to her earlier question either.  "A word then."  With that she fully descended to ground level.  Taking a few steps towards the armored Brit.

 

Raising her power pike into the air she'd slam it on the ground.  Stomping the remains of the mushroom thrown earlier and collapsing the polearm immediately after.  Sliding the pike to be comfortably held underneath her shield she'd wait for his response upon approaching.  It was supposed to be a sign that she wasn't going to blast him.  The jury was still technically still out on that one.  But, appearances were another thing.

[Exaccus]

"thanks...first I'm sorry about the rather vicious bit of venom i put out earlier; its been a long day." he says letting the bit of fatigue into his voice "Second im not exactly sure why...though if i had guess whatever making these shrooms of doom crop up is weakening it so it had to use the standing stones around here as a microphone or medium for its plea and stonehenge has been really active lately." he explains.

 

"Don't actually know all that much about the magic of it, just my sword screams and rages when I'm being called upon." he admits before giving a cautious glance and lowering his voice as much as he thinks he can get away with "Anyway thats not important; foghorn leghorn over-there just spat green and it grew mushrooms in a field I've been blasting with not exactly-rainbow magic for a few hours. I think its maybe gotten into his head...like that icky fungus, ya know that makes ants into zombies so they let it spore all over the place and spread."

 

<Ew, ew, ew.>

[Supercape]

GM

 

In the Police Car...

 

It was a little cramped for two armoured superheroes in the back seat, but it was not intolerable. The question of tolerability could be more useful asked about the Sherrifs constant jabbering. 

 

"Well when 'Nose' Jenkins got tangled up with that there cow, ah say cow, then we had to round up some of the good folk of 'Halabama and..."

 

Pointless trivia flowed from his mouth like water from a river. 

 

"...with three golf balls and a rubber duck, ah say, a rubber duck!" he finished, explaining the ending of the latest boring anecdote. 

 

"Ah, here we are, ah say, here we are!" he proclaimed, as they pulled up outside a rather shoddy old house. It must have been fourty or fifty years old, and the architect had surely had all sense of style or form surgically extracted at birth. It looked like a concrete cowpat. 

 

"An old, ree-search fahcility" said the Sherrif, getting out and adjusting his trousers once again. 

 

"You just stay behind me, watch how we do things round here Alabama style, Ah say, Alabama style!" he said proudly, marching up to the front door...